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Friday!!!! July 31, 2015

 guy in England called the cops recently, because he was mad his girlfriend let her CAT eat his BACON.  She explained it wasn't a police issue, and as far as we know he wasn't arrested for making the call.http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/most-ridiculous-999-call-ever-6164550
Destination America will broadcast an EXORCISM . . . live.  They won't be exorcising a person, but a HOUSE in suburban St. Louis.  The house was the site of a supposed exorcism in 1949, that went on to inspire the movie, "The Exorcist".http://www.tennesseewraithchasers.com/
A guy in North Carolina was about to propose to his girlfriend at a restaurant on Monday, but a ROBBER busted in before he could ask.  So he jumped up, put the robber in a choke hold, and knocked him out.  Then he took his girlfriend to a park and proposed there . . . and she said yes.http://www.wcnc.com/story/news/2015/07/28/employee-customer-and-police-officer-stop-robbery/30781227/
A guy in England realized a burglar was setting up a ladder outside his window Tuesday night.  So he called the cops, then reached out the window . . . grabbed the ladder . . . and pulled it inside while the guy's back was turned.  Police are still looking for him.http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/man-drags-burglars-ladders-through-9755254
 An 81-year-old guy in Connecticut stripped naked last month, went into his backyard, and humped a BUSH.  But one of his neighbors recorded him, and sent the video to the cops.  He was just arrested for public indecency and breach of peace.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/connecticut/elderly-bush-humper-908734
A 31-year-old guy in Indiana asked his mom if he could move home on Friday, and she told him no . . . he should go get a JOB.  So he flipped out and ATTACKED her.  He was arrested for aggravated battery.http://www.thestarpress.com/story/news/crime/2015/07/27/police-man-choked-threatened-mother/30748119/
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER has a reputation as a tough guy, but even he doesn't get why that Minnesota dentist felt the need to pay $55,000 to have some African locals lure a protected lion out of a park, so he could kill it .https://twitter.com/Schwarzenegger/status/626445626830499841 
A 37-year-old woman in Minnesota ended an argument with her boyfriend recently by RUNNING HIM OVER.  Then she got out, APOLOGIZED, and fled the scene.  So a judge sentenced her to 283 days in jail, plus six years of probation.http://www.grandforksherald.com/news/crime-and-courts/3804135-minnesota-woman-runs-over-boyfriend-stops-apologize-leaves-scene

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Police in Washington just caught a fugitive after he got himself a role in a low-budget HORROR MOVIE . . . and the local newspaper did a story about it where they used his picture and his name.  The cops arrested him JUST after the film wrapped as he was leaving the set .http://www.theguardian.com/film/2015/jul/28/jason-stange-marla-mae-convicted-bank-robber-arrested-horror-movie
Two new studies just found that BAD kids grow up to be pretty successful adults. https://www.yahoo.com/parenting/disobedient-children-make-more-money-as-adults-125180564942.html   

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

Johanna Cassimore was barred July 13 by a New Jersey judge from entering any Walmart, but she called the ruling "stupid" and said she already defied it.http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/n-woman-banned-walmart-calls-judge-ruling-stupid-article-1.2304690
A creepy clown in bright yellow pants waved to people passing a Chicago graveyard earlier this month.http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/creepy-chicago-clown-scales-cemetery-gate-article-1.2305104
DISTURBED has a song about marijuana called "Fire It Up" on their upcoming album.  Singer DAVID DRAIMAN says, quote, "95% of the songs I've written in my life, I've written them while high . . . it helps me be able to perceive everything a little bit more clearly. http://www.revolvermag.com/news/interview-disturbeds-david-draiman-talks-new-album-getting-back-together-and-marijuana.html
Police arrested a Wayne resident Sunday on various drug possession charges and carrying a loaded firearm, according to Capt. Laurence Martin.http://www.northjersey.com/news/crime-and-courts/wayne-police-nab-local-resident-on-gun-drug-charges-1.1378492
 A guy in Vermont got a DUI on Sunday.  Then while the cop was talking to him, his friend put the car in reverse . . . crossed two lanes of traffic . . . almost plowed into the cop car . . . and HE got a DUI too.http://vtstatepolice.blogspot.com/2015/07/press-release-dui-possession-cocaine.html

Monday, July 17th, 2015

A woman's garage caught fire in Ohio last week, and she told a local news reporter she knew how it started . . . her COUSIN did it.http://wkbn.com/2015/07/23/leavittsburg-fire-spreads-from-garages-to-nearby-houses-family-suspects-arson/
A woman's garage caught fire in Ohio last week, and she told a local news reporter she knew how it started . . . her COUSIN did it.  Because, quote, "He's mad because he can't get with me.  I'm married to my husband."  As far as we know, her cousin hasn't been arrested yet.http://wkbn.com/2015/07/23/leavittsburg-fire-spreads-from-garages-to-nearby-houses-family-suspects-arson/
A couple in Illinois ordered a double cheeseburger at McDonald's last week.  But when they unwrapped it, it was just a WET RAG.  Then they got upset that the manager didn't apologize when they complained.http://abc7chicago.com/food/couple-says-mcdonalds-served-them-rag-in-a-wrapper/876783/
 A 39-year-old woman was busted last week trying to smuggle $134,000 worth of cocaine into Arizona from Mexico.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3172862/The-glamorous-photos-bankrupt-drug-mule-busted-flirting-border-officers-bid-smuggle-13lbs-cocaine-U-S-gold-Mercedes.html

Friday July 24, 2015

 A guy tried to rob a 7-Eleven in Oregon by using his hand to pretend he had a gun in his pocket.  But his plan fell apart when he accidentally took his hand OUT of his pocket.  He was arrested for third-degree robbery.http://www.kdrv.com/news/Man_Attempts_to_Rob_7-11_With_Finger_Gun_.html
A 58-year-old man opened fire in a Lafayette, Louisiana theater showing AMY SCHUMER's "Trainwreck" yesterday.  Three people are dead, including the shooter, who killed himself.  Amy Tweeted, quote, "My heart is broken and all my thoughts and prayers are with everyone in Louisiana."http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/24/us/louisiana-theater-shooting/index.html

Thursday, July 23, 2015

The possibility that a "Space Jam 2" is in the works, starring LEBRON JAMES.http://www.eonline.com/news/679023/space-jam-2-may-finally-be-happening-but-now-people-don-t-want-lebron-james-to-be-in-it-see-the-unimpressed-tweets
Yoda wasn't always going to be called Yoda.  http://www.starwars.com/news/6-bizarre-behind-the-scenes-star-wars-facts
North Carolina just created an online GYM CLASS. http://www.charlotteobserver.com/news/local/article28045666.html

Wednesday, July 22, 2015

Psychologists have figured out why people go CRAZY for free food at the office.  It goes back to our prehistoric days, when we grabbed any food we could because we might starve if we didn't.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/why-you-and-your-co-workers-become-wild-savages-around-free-food_55a6750ce4b0c5f0322bec2c
Cops say a New Jersey woman flipped her car in California over the weekend.http://www.nj.com/news/index.ssf/2015/07/nj_woman_ran_from_crash_naked_high_into_field_full.html 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

A woman posted on Reddit this weekend about how she accidentally made a guy go BLIND through rough sex.  He had degenerative holes in his retinas, and somehow they tore while they got-it-on.  But the woman deleted her account after the story went viral, so we don't know if he ever got his vision back.http://uproxx.com/webculture/2015/07/reddit-tifu-sex-guy-blind/
Ashley Madison is that website for people who want to have affairs . . . and they just got HACKED.  Now the hackers are threatening to release the personal information, photos, and credit card info for all 37 million members unless Ashley Madison shuts down for good.https://krebsonsecurity.com/2015/07/online-cheating-site-ashleymadison-hacked/

Monday, July 20, 2015

Two 13-year-old girls in California were running a lemonade stand last week, when an 18-year-old guy wandered up and said he didn't have any money.  So they gave him a free drink . . . and then he ROBBED them.  Luckily the police caught him 10 minutes later and arrested him.http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-lemonade-stand-theft-20150716-story.html
The "New York Times" has published more excerpts from the deposition Cosby gave in 2005.  And in one passage he admits that he tried to get a woman in the sack by feigning interest in her dead father's losing battle with cancer.http://deadspin.com/here-are-the-documents-bill-cosby-didnt-want-you-to-rea-1716083975
Love the Beach? Know This About Fecal Contamination
STAY OUT OF THE WATER, BUT REALLY STAY OFF THE SAND http://www.newser.com/story/209869/love-the-beach-know-this-about-fecal-contamination.html
ISIS' New Trainees: Kids Beheading Dolls
ISLAMIC STATE INDOCTRINATING YOUNG BOYS TO ITS HORRORShttp://www.newser.com/story/210046/isis-new-trainees-kids-beheading-dolls.html

Friday July 10th 2015

A guy in New Jersey called 911 on Tuesday night two times to report an accident . . . but when the cops got there, they couldn't find one.  The guy admitted he'd made it up because he was drunk and he wanted a ride home.  They arrested him . . . and gave him a ride to jail.http://7online.com/news/cops-drunken-new-jersey-man-calls-911-to-hitch-ride-home/835297/
 Which sounds worse to you:  Having nude photos of you fly around the Internet . . . or having some hacker in Russia rack up 50 grand of debt with your stolen credit card info?  It's a tough call . . . but there's a definitive answer.http://www.marketwatch.com/story/more-people-would-rather-have-nude-photos-leaked-than-their-bank-information-2015-07-09
Spokesman JARED FOGLE had a cameo in "Sharknado 2", and was supposed to be in "Sharknado 3" when it airs on July 22nd.  But now a rep for the network says all of his scenes have been cut.http://www.eater.com/2015/7/10/8930629/subway-jared-dropped-sharknado-3

Thursday, July 9, 2015

A 30-year-old guy in Texas died on Tuesday when he tried to launch a firework off of his chest.  He was critically injured when it exploded, and paramedics rushed to help . . . but he died on the way to the hospital.http://gawker.com/texas-father-killed-while-launching-huge-firework-off-h-1716484684
A new survey asked people which they'd want more . . . a $20,000 raise, or four extra weeks of vacation.  And 66% of people picked the RAISE.  Only 32% wanted the extra time off.http://www.vanityfair.com/news/2015/07/60-minutes-poll-vacation-days

Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The ‘CHiPs’ Film Adaptation Is Going To Be An R-Rated Adventure Like ‘Lethal Weapon’http://uproxx.com/movies/2015/07/chips-movie-rated-r-lethal-weapon/
 ESPN and the PGA are the latest corporations to cut ties with DONALD TRUMP.  In a statement, Trump said he's better off without them . . . that they'll coming running back to him someday . . . and, quote, "Give me a break!  All of this because of my strong stance on illegal immigration?"http://www.nytimes.com/2015/07/08/sports/golf/pga-moves-event-from-trump-golf-course.html?_r=0 http://www.latimes.com/sports/sportsnow/la-sp-sn-espn-donald-trump-20150707-story.html 
A guy in Texas was killed over the weekend by an alligator.  So on Monday night, one of his friends went out for REVENGE.  He set a trap, and killed the gator with a shot to the head.  But he could be looking at a misdemeanor and a $500 fine.http://www.chron.com/news/article/Alligator-suspected-of-deadly-attack-shot-and-6369345.php#photo-8267930
Federal and state agents raided the Zionsville home of Subway spokesperson Jared Fogle early Tuesday as part of a child porn investigation. http://www.wthr.com/story/29489819/federal-and-state-agents-raid-home-of-subway-spokesperson-jared-fogle
PAULA DEEN has been caught in yet ANOTHER racism controversy, this time after posting a photo of her son Bobby in BROWNFACE.  Paula's people are blaming a Social Media Manager, who posted the old photo of Paula and Bobby dressed up as Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz for Halloween.http://www.cnn.com/2015/07/07/living/paula-deen-brownface-feat/

Tuesday, July 7, 2015

 A guy in Texas wanted to go swimming in a marina this weekend, but people warned him there was a 12-foot gator in there.  So he yelled, quote, "[Eff] that alligator!" . . . jumped in . . . and was dragged underwater and KILLED.http://www.buzzfeed.com/emaoconnor/texas-man-ignores-alligator-warning?bftwnews&utm_term=4ldqpgc#.ylPAaWWal 
 A 22-year-old guy in Maine was drunk on July 4th, and decided to launch a firework off of his HEAD.  But when it exploded it also caused a SERIOUS head injury, and he died instantly.http://bangordailynews.com/2015/07/05/news/down-east/1-dead-in-bizarre-fireworks-accident-in-calais/
A 56-year-old woman was trying to use the self-checkout at a grocery store in Wisconsin last week, but got so frustrated that she started screaming.  And when the manager tried to calm her down, she hit him in the face with a VCR, and took off.  But the cops caught her and arrested her for disorderly conduct.http://www.channel3000.com/news/mpd-woman-upset-over-selfcheckout-hits-woodmans-manager-with-vcr/34002758

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Did Paul Rudd pass gass through an entire interview?

There's a 34-year-old model in Los Angeles named Natasha Wagner, and she's known as the woman with the BEST BUTT in the country.  But not how you might think.http://www.vogue.com/13276750/best-jeans-butt-model-natasha-wagner/
There's a new app called Alibi that automatically records audio and video from your phone 24 hours a day.  It dumps its memory once an hour, but if something important happens you can click "save" to keep it.  It costs 99 cents and it's only available for Android right now.http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/alibi-app-lets-smartphones-record-video-audio-location-24-7-1.3129190?cmp=rss&cid=news-digests-canada-and-world-evening
TV Land has pulled reruns of "The Dukes of Hazzard" from its schedule.  The show made frequent use of the flag, particularly on the roof of the 'General Lee,' Bo and Luke Duke's orange Dodge Charger. http://www.today.com/popculture/tv-land-pulls-dukes-hazzard-amid-confederate-flag-controversy-t29766

Wednesday, July 1, 2013

BEN AFFLECKand JENNIFER GARNER announced yesterday that they're getting divorced.  They said, quote, "We go forward with love and friendship for one another and a commitment to co-parenting our children whose privacy we ask to be respected during this difficult time.  This will be our only comment on this private, family matter."http://www.eonline.com/news/672025/inside-ben-affleck-and-jennifer-garner-s-divorce-couple-was-in-therapy-for-2-years-were-not-always-on-the-same-page 
A 65-year-old woman in Florida and her son got into an argument a few weeks ago . . . she says it was over lasagna, he says it was over how much she was spending at Walmart.  He also says she stabbed him in the NIPPLE with a pencil . . . and she says she just slapped him.  Either way, she was arrested for battery.http://offthebeat.blogs.tcpalm.com/2015/06/25/woman-jailed-in-psl-nipple-stabbing/

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

 An 18-year-old guy in Alabama was having trouble with his girlfriend on Thursday, and decided to work things out by having his mom call his girlfriend's parents and talk to them.  She wouldn't do it, so he started killing one of her chickens every 15 minutes until she DID.  He killed six before the cops arrested him.http://whnt.com/2015/06/25/deputies-elkmont-teen-kills-1-chicken-every-15-minutes-until-mommy-makes-nice-with-girlfriend/
An 18-year-old girl in Florida found her mom's WEED on Sunday night, and started flushing it down the toilet.  But her mom caught her, started screaming at her, then SLAPPED her.  So she was arrested for domestic battery.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/mom-hit-daughter-who-flushed-her-pot-098523 
NBC fired DONALD TRUMP over the anti-Mexico stuff he said in his campaign announcement.  They're ditching both the Miss USA pageant and "Celebrity Apprentice".  Trump didn't back down though.  In addition to standing by his comments, he called NBC "weak" and threatened them with a lawsuit.http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/29/media/donald-trump-nbc-ends-relationship/index.html
A man in West Virginia wouldn't pay his water bill recently, because he claimed his service had been shut off.  The guy who owned the water company was furious, so his 39-year-old daughter and her 20-year-old son went to the man's house last week and BEAT HIM UP.  They were both arrested.http://www.wchstv.com/news/features/eyewitness-news/stories/WV-Woman-And-Son-Beat-Man-Who-Didn-39-t-Pay-Bill-154907.shtml#.VZKRWvlVhBd

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Actor Jake Lloyd lead police on a high-speed chase . . . he also attacked his own mother. http://www.tmz.com/2015/06/23/jake-lloyd-star-wars-schizophrenia-assaulted-police-report-beats-mother/#ixzz3dvoYsjmG
Online retailers eBay and Amazon on Tuesday announced they're banning the sale of Confederate flag merchandise, following in the footsteps of their brick-and-mortar counterparts, Walmart and Sears, which announced a similar move on Monday.http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/06/23/ebay-decides-to-ban-the-confederate-flag-too/
A couple in Ohio got pulled over on Saturday for driving naked, eating pizza, and drinking beer.  They were both arrested, and the guy peed in the back of the police car.http://www.wxyz.com/news/local-news/ohio-woman-accused-of-driving-naked-while-eating-pizza-arrested-for-dui
A guy in Indiana was standing in the parking lot of a bar on Saturday night, dancing by himself and LICKING A TOAD.  The cops made him leave, but he came back a few minutes later licking a NEW toad, and was arrested for trespassing.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/toad-licker-locked-up-086431

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

JAKE GYLLENHAAL gave a strange interview, where he tried to describe his approach to acting by saying that since we are "like 90% water," we are "affected by the moon when it's full," just like the ocean.  So if you spend time in the real-life environment of the character you're playing, it's more real.  Or something.
Clint Eastwood has picked his next project as a director—the story of how Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger landed his US Airways plane safely in the Hudson River in 2009.http://www.newser.com/story/207711/eastwood-to-direct-captain-sully-biopic.html
The second part of the "Today" show's interview with TRACY MORGAN aired yesterday.  Tracy said he doesn't know how he'll be funny again, but he vowed to make it back for the fans.
 A woman shoplifted three phone chargers from a Rite Aid in Connecticut on Sunday, and replaced them on the shelf with a pile of her POOP.  She also wiped herself using some tissues and left those on another shelf.  The cops caught her before she left the store and she was arrested.http://www.nhregister.com/general-news/20150601/pd-shoplifter-took-350-in-goods-left-feces-at-middletown-store
The hot new social media trend is the "Hold a Coke With Your Boobs Challenge."  Women are posing with a can or bottle of Coke between their breasts, to raise awareness for breast cancer.  And, well, to show off.http://jezebel.com/holding-a-coke-with-your-boobs-isnt-going-to-help-anyon-1708458980

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

 BRUCE JENNER is no more. "Vanity Fair" introduced the world to CAITLYN JENNER yesterday, when they released their cover photo of her.  She had facial-feminization surgery in March, but has yet to undergo gender reassignment.  And for the record, her cup size is 38B.http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/06/01/jessica-lange-learns-about-caitlyn-jenner-comparisons-that-s-so-wonderful.html


Friday May 29, 2015

 American actors Clint Eastwood, Adam West, Burt Reynolds, and even Dick Van Dyke were all approached to succeed Sean Connery as James Bond, but it didn't work out for one reason or another.  Mel Gibson also wanted the part in the '80s, but he was deemed too short.http://uproxx.com/movies/2015/05/5-americans-who-could-have-played-james-bond/5/
A woman in Michigan ordered an ice cream cone last weekend, but apparently the employee didn't put enough sprinkles on it.  So she started SCREAMING at him, then tried to hit her friend for trying to calm her down.  The cops showed up, but the employee ultimately decided not to press. charges.http://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/index.ssf/2015/05/ice_cream_sprinkles_cause_of_r.html
Bob Saget will return as Danny Tanner for Full House reboothttp://www.theverge.com/2015/5/29/8685217/bob-saget-fuller-house-netflix-reboot
SANDRA BULLOCK talked about the "Magic Mike XXL" trailer yesterday, and said it makes her OVULATE.  Quote, "It's weird.  You think you're a strong woman, 'I can think for myself.  I've got my own business, I'm a mom.'  Uhhh . . . it just happens.
 Some people in Nashville are getting annoyed with aging rock stars who try their hand at country music.  CLAY WALKER is ticked off by the whole thing.  And WILL HOGE even coined a name for it.  He calls the trend "Carpetbagger Country".https://twitter.com/WillHoge/status/596337717069225984
Last year, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER raised money for after-school programs by auctioning off chances to ride around in a tank with him and crush stuff.  Well, he's doing it again, but he's upping the ante.http://www.omaze.com/experiences/arnold-schwarzenegger-2
British Airways flight to Dubai was forced to return to London due to a foul odour emanating from an overflowing toilet.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-2994583/British-Airways-flight-Dubai-forced-return-Heathrow-Airport-foul-odour-toilet.html