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Our Junk
In an online chat, TRACY MORGAN was asked who was the most famous person he's ever passed gas in front of that he's definitely sure smelled it.  He said it was KATE UPTON.  He also revealed that his favorite food is the Big Mac and his favorite smell is "Ladies". 
 A guy in Florida was driving with his wife on Wednesday, when she saw a LIZARD had somehow gotten into their truck.  And she reacted by . . . opening the door and JUMPING OUT while the car was moving.  She ended up in the hospital, but there's no word on how bad her injuries are
A 24-year-old mother in Nebraska called the cops earlier this week when her three-year-old son wandered out of her apartment through an unlocked door.  Fortunately, he didn't go far.  They found him at a bowling alley nearby . . . and he'd crawled into the ARCADE CLAW MACHINE and was playing with the stuffed animals.  The vending machine company got him out safely.
lA 24-year-old guy in England says he has the first case of KARDASHIAN PHOBIA . . . whenever he sees or hears the Kardashians on TV, he breaks out in a cold sweat and gets NAUSEOUS.  He says it all started when he watched Kim's sex tape, to convince himself he wasn't gay.  (???)
A 68-year-old gynecologist in Arkansas was busted last week for taking cell phone photos of his patients' lady parts without their permission.  The cops got a search warrant and found SEVERAL photos of women's junk he'd taken during their exams.  He was charged with five felony counts of voyeurism
For some reason, a 14-year-old girl tweeted a fake terrorist threat to American Airlines yesterday.  But they responded that they take that stuff seriously, and were passing it along to the FBI.  The girl freaked out and said she was sorry . . . but eventually got 1,000 new followers and tweeted that it was a great day
  A couple in Tennessee wanted to spice up their sex life . . . and for some reason they decided to melt a giant cherry GUMMY BEAR, and DRIZZLE it on each other.  But they didn't give it time to cool down . . . so when the guy drizzled it on his girlfriend, she wound up having to go to the emergency room with THIRD-DEGREE BURNS.http://www.tennessean.com/story/news/local/2014/04/10/clarksville-couples-bedroom-antics-land-tv/7568263/
 A 29-year-old guy tried to rob a hair salon in Maryland last week . . . by putting his fingers under his shirt and pretending it was a gun.  But the receptionist could obviously tell what he was doing with his fingers . . . and LAUGHED him out of the building.  Then the police tracked the guy down at his mom's house and arrested him.http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/weird/Receptionist-Laughs-at-Curtis-Bay-Mans-Robbery-Attempt--254733451.html
  A guy in Croatia is facing up to six months in jail for claiming he could help people quit smoking . . . by strangling them until they PASSED OUT.  And he was charging $280 per session for it.  But the best part is that a few of his former patients are DEFENDING him, and claim that being choked out actually DID help them quit.
  A guy in China just got out of a four-year relationship with a 22-year-old woman . . . who made him bring her STUFFED SNOOPY along on dates.  And the guy had to treat Snoopy like a person and buy him meals and movie tickets.  They broke up when he refused to take Snoopy to the bathroom with him . . . so now he's suing his ex for $6,450 for mental anguish and compensation for what he spent
A 25-year-old guy in Maine was pulled over on Sunday night and the cops found marijuana in the car.  Apparently he didn't want to be busted with it, so he told the cops it wasn't his . . . he'd STOLEN the car and the marijuana was already in there.  Turns out he HAD stolen the car . . . but the marijuana was also his.  He's facing charges for both.http://www.sunjournal.com/news/franklin/2014/04/07/thats-not-my-pot-i-stole-car-says-jay-man/1515726
An 80-year-old man in Florida found a prostitute named Amy online on Sunday, and arranged for her to come to his hotel room.  But when Amy got there . . . "she" turned out to be a man named FRANK in a leopard-print leotard. http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/palm-beach/boca-raton/fl-boca-raton-prostitute-robbery-20140325,0,7291505.story
A 67-year-old woman got pulled over for talking on her cell phone last Wednesday.  But the cop let her go when she said she was talking to her mom, who was having a HEART ATTACK.http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/suburbs/northbrook/ct-deerfield-cell-phone-arrest-tl-20140321,0,4477946.story
A 20-year-old girl was on SPRING BREAK in Florida a few weeks ago, and got busted for having alcohol.  So her 47-year-old dad drove down from Tennessee to get her out of jail . . . but he got frustrated at how long it took for her to be releasedhttp://www.nwfdailynews.com/local/spring-breaker-s-dad-accused-of-smashing-cars-at-jail-arrest-report-1.294175?tc=cr
 . Police in Germany intercepted a box of condoms filled with cocaine . . . that was headed to the VATICAN.  It's not clear who was going to get the package because it was just addressed to the Vatican post office . . . but there are only 800 residents in Vatican City including the Pope, so the suspect list is pretty small.http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/vatican-bound-cocainefilled-condoms-seized-by-german-customs-9210991.html