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Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Amazon's Ad Campaign for Its New Show Included Nazi Imagery . . . And
New York City Subway Riders Didn't Like It.
LiFi internet: First real-world usage boasts speed 100 times faster than 
The States where you’re most likely to encounter fights at Black Friday Sales.
According to the website BlackFridayDeathCount.com, there have
been seven deaths and 98 injuries on Black Friday.  The most recent death was in 2013.  There weren't any last year, but there were five injuries.
 A guy at a strip club in South Carolina told one of the strippers she needed to hit the
GYM on Saturday.  And she responded by punching him in the FACE.  Four times.
 And she had a RING on.  It's not clear if he's pressing charges.
Two turkeys headed to a slaughterhouse fell out of a truck in Wisconsin over the
weekend.  And a bird sanctuary agreed to take them in, so they'll get to live out
the rest of their lives there.

Tuesday, November 24, 2015

"Time" magazine won't pick its Person of the Year for about a week and a half.
 But the people participating in their online poll are pretty solidly rooting for
A guy in Georgia stole a Coors Light truck on Monday.  But when the cops started
chasing him, he hopped out . . . and accidentally ran himself OVER.  He was
hospitalized with serious leg injuries and is facing theft charges.
Uproxx.com has somehow figured out which musical act best represents each state. http://uproxx.com/music/2015/11/most-popular-musicians-every-state/
HOW do we use our phones on the toilet.  Check out these results from a new survey . . .
A 44-year-old guy in L.A. named Shlomo Rechnitz owns a company called Brius
Healthcare Services.  Apparently it's the largest nursing home provider in California.
 So he's pretty well off, and does a lot of charity work on the side. 

Monday, November 23, 2015

A college hate crime turns out to be a blind girl's dog poop.
 A ninth grade teacher in Utah recently wanted to teach her kids about how terrorists
recruit, so she had them make propaganda posters for ISIS.  But a parent complained,
so the school apologized and shredded them.
A  donor paid off a lot more than their share of the national debt with a record $2.2 million donation in September. Treasury officials haven't released any details on the source of the donation, which brought public contributions toward the debt to a total of almost $3.9 million for the last fiscal year, according to official figures.
 According to doctors, holding in your poop is DANGEROUS . . . and
could even be fatal.  It can mess up your sphincter muscles and possibly create
an impacted bowel . . . which can become fatal in extreme cases.
A new survey found that most guys are attracted to both tattoos and piercings.
 And they say hip tattoos and belly button piercings are the best
A guy in Utah was worried he wasn't going to make it to the hospital in time to see his
baby born in September . . . so he called in a BOMB THREAT.  It was traced to him,
and now he's facing up to 10 years in prison.

Friday, November 20, 2015

 A woman named Carol Suchman was walking down a street in New York recently,
when she passed a toy store that was going out of business.
Isis Books & Gifts in Denver has the misfortune of sharing its name with the terrorist

Thursday, November 19, 2015

A photo of a 21-year-old college student in Georgia taking an exam is making the rounds
. . . because she was also in the middle of GIVING BIRTH.  She wanted to get it out of
the way so she could spend time with her baby.
A porn star named DANICA DILLON is suing JOSH DUGGAR for roughing her up
after he paid to have sex with her.  She says Josh caused physical and emotional
injuries, and she's being treated by a psychiatrist for severe anxiety.  She's asking
for $500,000.
A guy was busted earlier this month for smuggling PORK TAMALES from Mexico
into Los Angeles.  But they're contraband because foreign meat might be diseased.
 The guy was fined $1,000 and all of the tamales were destroyed
A woman in Spokane, Washington got in to an argument with her neighbor last
Saturday, after she saw him put trash in her trashcan.  And when he barged into
her house, her husband scared him off with his replica KLINGON SWORD.
 Animal rights groups aren’t overly enamored with the toy. They have grouped together
and created an online petition to try and get Walmart to remove the truck from its shelves.

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Council members approve resolution to ban refugees from Greenville County.
CHARLIE SHEEN mitted he's HIV-positive on the "Today" show yesterday.
An animal rights group is suing to get a chimpanzee named Candy out of an
amusement park where, it says, she smokes cigarettes and is given soft drinks
instead of water.
PRESIDENT OBAMA has been named the "GQ" Man of the Year, and he
talked about the supposed "secrets" he knows: Quote, "People always ask
me about Roswell and the aliens and UFOs, and it turns out the stuff going
on that's top secret isn't nearly as exciting as you expect."

Tuesday, November 17, 2012

USC Students Walkout In Protest
A guy in South Carolina was upset when his masseuse wouldn't give him a
HAPPY ENDING on Saturday.  So he went to the lobby and took care of
himself right there.  He took off before the cops got there, and they're trying to
track him down.
CHARLIE SHEEN is expected to announce that he's HIV-positive this morning
on the "Today" show.
A woman in Florida was busted for shoplifting at Walmart this weekend, and the
cops found three Xanax in a bag between her butt cheeks.  She told them
she was holding them for a friend.  Either way, she was arrested for shoplifting
and drugs.
 Oxford Dictionaries' word of the year is . . . an emoji.
A woman and her ex went to their storage unit in Florida on Saturday night,
and she wanted to have sex in the car.  But they got into an argument over
which position to use . . . and she wound up throwing something at his head,
then running over his foot.  She was arrested for domestic battery.

Monday, November 15, 2015

A nine-year-old fourth grader in Florida was sent to the principal's office recently
because he gave a girl a LOVE LETTER.  And the school says if he sends any
more, they'll file sexual harassment charges.
 The two main updates on the terrorist attack in Paris are that France started
bombing ISIS sites in Syria yesterday, and there's a manhunt for an eighth
terrorist, who's still alive.
A woman in Illinois ordered Denny's $4 all-you-can-eat pancakes on Friday,
but kept sharing them with her friends.  And when her waitress told her to stop,
she tried to beat her UP.  She was arrested.

Friday, November 13, 2015

CVS is selling a new homeopathic laxative that's nothing but 40 proof alcohol mixed
with water.  But they're afraid teenagers will buy them to get drunk, so they just told
their staff there's a one laxative limit for anyone under 21.
A couple in their 60s from Canada were in Mexico for their daughter's wedding this
week, and decided to have sex in their hot tub.  But the guy had a fatal heart attack
. . . collapsed on top of his wife . . . pinned her underwater . . . and DROWNED her.
DAVID HASSELHOFF may have just made a HUGE change . . . by dropping the
"Hassel" from his name.  He posted a video yesterday claiming that he changed
his name to "David Hoff.  He even held up a "certificate of name change."


Thursday, November 12, 2015

KORN have been celebrating the 20th anniversary of their debut album by
playing it in its entirety on tour.  And for singer JONATHAN DAVIS, the
experience has been AWFUL. 

A waitress in Ohio got a $0 tip from a couple on Saturday, and the woman
wrote, quote, "He's my husband!  Find your own!"  But the waitress IS married
, and was wearing her wedding ring the entire time.  She posted a picture of
the receipt on Facebook along with a great rant, but pulled it when it went viral. 
A guy in Japan was just busted for hiding in a small SEWER DRAIN . . . so
he could take upskirt photos.  This is actually the second time he's been
arrested for that move.  Tthe first time was in April of 2013.
Here are some stats from a new survey on Thanksgiving.  The average dinner
has nine or 10 people and costs $130 . . . stuffing is the food people want the
most besides turkey . . . and 75% of people would serve turkey that fell on
the floor.
 A woman in Australia recently went into labor at her house, and called for an
ambulance.  Then the dispatcher tried to talk her boyfriend through the delivery.
 But he got so grossed out, he LEFT THE HOUSE, and she had to deliver the
baby on her own.  Luckily they're both okay.
Rumor has it GUNS N' ROSES is getting back together for a 30th anniversary tour.
 The official word is supposedly coming within the next few days.
 Bloomingdale's new holiday catalog features a picture of a guy looking at a woman
with the caption, quote, "Spike your best friend's eggnog when they're not looking."  Someone posted it online Tuesday, everyone freaked out, and Bloomingdale's
apologized for, quote, "this error in judgment."

Wednesday, November 11, 2015

Here's are some of the key moments making headlines in the Republican debate:
The terminally ill "Star Wars" fan who got to see the new movie last week has died.
 He was only 32.  And "Jeopardy!" contestant KEN JENNINGS made a JOKE
about it.  He Tweeted, quote, "It can't be a good sign that every fan who has
seen the new Star Wars movie died shortly thereafter."
Police say an Ohio man was drunk when he had his 9-year-old neighbor drive him to a gas station to buy barbecue sauce for their chicken dinner.
A new study found perfume can actually work as a mosquito repellent.  The researchers found it did just as good of a job as the best repellents . . . and was even better than some natural ones.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Lorena Bobbitt was on "The Steve Harvey Show" yesterday.  It's been 22
years since she cut off John Bobbitt's manhood after he allegedly abused her.

One person dead  and another person is  in custody after an officer-involved
shooting on the campus of Spartanburg Methodist College. 
Missouri student ends his hunger strike,calls the situation 'Vile'
Disney was hoping to do a fourth "Aladdin" movie with ROBIN WILLIAMS voicing
the Genie.  To do it, they were going to sift through the unused stuff he recorded
the first time around, back in 1991.  But Robin's will prevents anyone from
releasing anything 'new,' using his name, likeness, and voice.
A guy in Oklahoma got drunk and stumbled onto a Civil War reenactment on Friday
. . . and OPENED FIRE on the actors.  Fortunately no one was badly hurt, and the
guy was arrested.
A couple in South Carolina got super high on Saturday night, and called the police
FIVE TIMES to report possums jumping out of their fridge and microwave.
They denied they were on drugs, but they were both busted for misusing 911.

Monday, November 9, 2015

 Gunnar Hansen, who played the iconic villain Leatherface in the original
Texas Chainsaw Massacre, died Saturday of pancreatic cancer.
Drunk map of the home reveals where you're most likely to get injured
which includes the most injured parts of the body. Perhaps not surprisingly
they are the head, face, and trunk and pubic region.
GABOUREY SIDIBE had a sex scene on the latest episode of "Empire",
and she believes she's the first person of her size and color to do so.  
She says, quote, "I felt sexy and beautiful and I felt like I was doing a
good job.  I'm very proud of the work we all did."
 A new study from the University of Alberta found that male-female couples
had better and more frequent sex when men chipped in with the chores.

Friday, November 6, 2015

A guy in Pennsylvania went on Craigslist earlier this year, to find a
HACKER to wipe his criminal record.
Collins Dictionary picked BINGE-WATCH as its Word of the Year.  
Their definition is "to watch a large number of television programs,
especially all the shows from one series, in succession." 
A study has found that most women who say they are straight are in
fact aroused by videos of both naked men and naked women.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

A woman in New York didn't have a ride to see her boyfriend on Friday,
so she called 911 and got an AMBULANCE to take her to a hospital near his house.
 But when the cops figured out what she'd done, she was arrested for false reporting
People STILL think the best way to tell someone major news like an
engagement or pregnancy is with a phone call. 
Senator Bernie Sanders introduced the Ending Federal Marijuana
Prohibition Act. The act would let states legalize recreational pot without
government interference while still allowing individual states to ban it.
A guy from Italy ran the New York Marathon this weekend, got
separated from his group, and was lost and alone for TWO DAYS before a cop
helped him out.
Some friends in Canada did a "Wizard of Oz" group costume for Halloween . . .
but they got too drunk and the Scarecrow wound up PUNCHING the Tin Man.  
Then he and the Cowardly Lion took off before the cops got there.
http://london.ctvnews.ca/innisfil-scarecrow-punches-tin-man-flees-with-cowardly-lion-police-1.2639909The guys in LYNYRD SKYNYRD don't get why there aren't
any youngrock icons.  Johnny Van Zant says, quote, "A wise man told
me that there's no guitar heroes in the last 20 years or 10 years,"

Wednesday, November 4th, 2015

Vanessa Farmer threw a Nestlé Dairy Box at ex-partner David Clare-Gray.
The cardigan Kurt wore on "MTV Unplugged" in 1993 is  being auctioned off.
 The starting bid on that is $20,000.
A guy in South Carolina dressed as a PRISONER for Halloween, then
ACTUALLY got arrested after he drove drunk and got into a high-speed
police chase.
R&B singer K. MICHELLE has a huge, artificially-enhanced backside, but
she's getting rid of it.  She says, quote, "I have like movies and different
things [I'm working on] . . . and I hate being typecast because my bottom
is so heavy."
TOM JONES says people have accused him of being black and "just passing
as white" . . . mostly because of his thick curly hair, and the fact that his skin
has at times looked darker because he tans so easily.
Rachel Dolezal is the former NAACP chapter president who came under fire this
summer for masquerading as a black woman.  Well, yesterday she FINALLY admitted
she was born Caucasian.
  A guy in Iowa got pulled over for drunk driving on Halloween while he was wearing
a FLASHER costume . . . then tried to beat a breathalyzer test by eating
TOILET PAPER.  It's his third DUI, so he could get up to five years in prison
  HARRY HAMLIN and LISA RINNA dressed as Sid Vicious and his girlfriend for
Halloween.  But Harry got some backlash because he wore Sid's infamous Swastika
t-shirt, and had to apologize.
Taco Bell gave a corporate manager arrested over the weekend on suspicion of
assaulting an Uber driver his walking papers on Monday. 

Monday, November 2, 2015

Inappropriate candy thrown from Halloween parade float.
Actor and politician FRED THOMPSON passed away yesterday at the age of 73.
 He was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma more than a decade ago, and it
had recently returned.
AL MOLINARO from "Happy Days" and the spin-off "Joanie Loves Chachi"
passed away on Friday.  He was 96.  He'd been suffering some gall stone
issues, and chose not to have surgery to have them removed because of his age.
A naked woman let men cover her in Ketchup.
Tyra Banks channels Sir Richard Branson for Halloween.
A woman in San Francisco thought her Lyft driver was trying to KIDNAP her
Thursday night, because he wouldn't respond to anything she said.  So she
jumped out of the car and broke her ankle.  But it turns out he was just DEAF.

Friday! October 30, 2015

A poll on the CREEPIEST characters in entertainment has found that Pennywise
the Clown from "Stephen King's It" is #1 among movie characters, and Norman
Bates from "Bates Motel" is the creepiest TV character.

Thursday, October 29th, 2015

 A guy Is charged for assaulting people at a Monopoly Tournament.
A condom store's Halloween display with skeletons humping has people
Sick day suspicion: 80% of people admit they assume colleagues are
LYING when they say they're too ill to come into work.
Hot Dogs may get a warning label in California.

Wednesday, October 28th, 2015

 There's a 21-year-old guy in New York named Indiana Jones, and he got into a
high-speed chase with the cops on Sunday night.  He went over 100 miles an hour
. . . they stopped him with spike strips . . . and he was hit with 14 different charges.
A guy in Orlando is already camped out in front of a Best Buy for Black Friday.  
He says he has two goals . . . to raise awareness for homeless children, and to get
a big TV. 
Ink Master's Season 4 winner, Scott Marshall, has reportedly died at the age of 41 .http://www.usmagazine.com/celebrity-news/news/scott-marshalls-ink-master-costars-mourn-his-death-20152710

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Here's the video of Bill Cosby being super creepy with Sofia Vergara in 2003.

A guy in New Mexico recently binge watched "The Walking Dead" . . .  was getting
drunk with a friend last week . . . thought the guy was turning into a ZOMBIE . . .
and KILLED him.  He was arrested for murder.
A woman in a BEETLEJUICE costume crashed her car on Saturday night, and two
friends dressed as a zombie and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle helped her cover
it up and leave.  But a neighbor got a photo of them and gave it to the cops.
A 26-year-old was singing at a karaoke bar in Florida last Wednesday, when there
was some sort of issue with the sound.  So he slammed the DJ's laptop down . . .
smashed a GLASS over his head . . . and is facing charges for battery.
Six kids in Australia stole a guy's car last week, and he chased them in a
HELICOPTER.  He also gave the cops real-time updates, so they caught up
and arrested them.http://www.abc.net.au/news/2015-10-23/man-in-helicopter-tracks-children-who-allegedly-entered-home/6881186 
The University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee says it's no longer politically correct to
use the term "politically correct."  Why?  Because the term, quote, "has become
a way to deflect, [and say] that people are being too 'sensitive' and police
A woman in Oklahoma was driving drunk last week with her twin three-year-olds
, and somehow FELL OUT.  So one of the boys took the wheel, steered across
four lanes and crashed into a curb.  Amazingly no one was hurt, and the mom
was arrested.
MICHAEL RICHARDS says he's still sorry that he went off on a racist tirade after
being heckled during a stand-up gig nine years ago.  He says it was a "reality
check" . . . and it sort of made him realize that he wasn't really cut out to be a
stand-up comic.
Police in Washington got a call on Thursday about a guy threatening people with
a MACHETE in a park and using the women's bathroom.  The cops caught him
when he tried to get away, and he explained he had a, quote, "explosive"
bowel situation and the men's room was full.