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Our Junk
The days of walking home barefoot after taking off your heels are over.  Shoe vending machines are springing up outside nightclubs in Vegas . . . and soon they'll be in other cities too.  For $20 you get a pair of basic, flat shoes . . . plus a pouch to put your heels in.http://www.reviewjournal.com/business/business-press/entrepreneur-s-persistence-brings-shoes-vending-machines
   A 53-year-old guy in Montana got a $350 private dance in the champagne room at a strip club on Saturday night . . . and was upset when it didn't include SEX.  So he called 911 to complain . . . and got arrested on one misdemeanor count of offering money for sexual favors.http://www.ktvq.com/news/man-arrested-after-complaining-about-not-getting-sex-at-strip-club/
Remember the kid in Texas who killed four people last year driving drunk, but only got probation because his lawyers said he was too rich and spoiled to know right from wrong?  His dad was just arrested for impersonating a cop.http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/08/20/affluenza-teens-father-busted-for-impersonating-a-police-officer/
dn't tell the whole department.  Because one of the people they busted for soliciting a prostitute was one of their own DETECTIVES.  He was released on bail, then resigned.http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/breaking-news/os-sex-sting-prostitution-detective-arrest-20140819,0,4002104.story
A 53-year-old guy in Montana got a $350 private dance in the champagne room at a strip club on Saturday night . . . and was upset when it didn't include SEX.  So he called 911 to complain . . . and got arrested on one misdemeanor count of offering money for sexual favors.http://www.ktvq.com/news/man-arrested-after-complaining-about-not-getting-sex-at-strip-club/
 An elderly woman in England fell and broke her arm in a corn maze on Tuesday, and paramedics knew they had to get to her quickly.  But they had to solve the MAZE to do it.  Somehow they got to the woman and carried her out without too many maze-related delays, and she was rushed to the hospital for treatment.http://www.eveningtelegraph.co.uk/life/weird-life/paramedics-find-way-into-maze-1.532989
A 33-year-old woman in South Carolina was lying on her couch earlier this week, when a 64-year-old neighbor walked in and BROKE WIND in her face.  She got up, chased him around, and punched him in the face three times.  They both got citations for fighting.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/fart-in-face-fight-124356
RIHANNA, KATY PERRY, and COLDPLAY . . . and they've been checking around to see if any of them would PAY to play.http://www.newser.com/story/192694/nfl-to-would-be-halftime-acts-pay-up.html
Nearly two-thirds of U.S. adult men (63%) admit to having looked at pornography at least one time while at work in the past 3 months.http://www.provenmen.org/2014pornsurvey/pornuseatwork/
The pumpkin spice products are coming.  It looks like the newest limited edition Oreo flavor is Pumpkin Spice Oreos.  They should go on sale soon, probably at either Target or Walmart.http://consumerist.com/2014/08/18/pumpkin-spice-oreos-this-could-really-be-happening/
  A 23-year-old guy in Connecticut was a few weeks away from marrying his long-distance fiancée in England . . . when she got a call saying he'd KILLED himself.  She called his family to talk, and it turned out he'd actually FAKED his death just to get out of the wedding.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2727808/Bride-left-devastated-fianc-FAKED-HIS-OWN-DEATH-dream-wedding.html
A 13 year old girl was arrested for drunk driving.

A mom in Texas just invented an app that GUARANTEES your kid calls you back.  It LOCKS their phone until they call you . . . they can only call you back or call 911.  It costs $1.99, but it's only available for Android phones so far.http://www.mtv.com/news/1901198/ignore-no-more-app/
 A 22-year-old woman in Texas stole a $3.99 bottle of MD 20/20 from a gas station on Wednesday, then drank it outside until the cops showed up to arrest her.  She told them it was all part of her plan . . . her boyfriend had been arrested that night, it was her fault, and she wanted to make things right and see him in jail.  She was arrested . . . there's no word if she got to see him in jail.http://www.statesman.com/news/news/local/cedar-park-woman-stole-wine-to-follow-boyfriend-to/ng3y2/
 A 53-year-old woman in New Mexico got dumped by her roommate last week . . . when he caught her having sex with his DOG.  And she responded by trying to POISON him and his sister by . . . putting rubbing alcohol in their water.  They survived, and the woman was arrested.http://www.koat.com/news/police-woman-has-sex-with-dogs-poisons-roommates/27486088#!bFxPLj
A 43-year-old woman flying from Colombia to Spain recently was acting suspicious, and when female customs agents patted her down, her breasts were deformed and lumpy.  Turns out her implants were actually filled with 3.7 pounds of cocaine, so she was arrested.http://gawker.com/woman-arrested-for-smuggling-3-7-pounds-of-cocaine-in-h-1622734153
A 22-year-old woman from Poland is trying to have sex with 100,000 men . . . and says she's passed the 5,000-man mark.  That's about 500 dudes a month, or about 16 a DAY.  She says the total SHOULD be higher, but in February she had to go to the hospital for FATIGUE.http://carloz.newsvine.com/_news/2014/08/13/25331422-one-year-on-how-is-ania-lisewska-doing-on-her-plan-to-have-sex-with-100000-men
A guy in Lebanon tried to have sex with a donkey last week . . . but the donkey kicked him in the face, then three times in the chest, and KILLED him.http://beiruting.com/LeMag/A_Saudi_died_after_attempting_to_sexually_abuse_a_donkey/3118
A 44-year-old doctor in West Virginia is in trouble for allegedly writing bad prescriptions . . . and more importantly, making a female employee MOTORBOAT her after she got a boob job.  She has a hearing with the state medical board in November.http://www.charlestondailymail.com/article/20140812/DM01/140819739/1420
A new study of men and women between 18 and 39 just found the average man says the best time to have their first child is age 29.  But women say age 32 . . . three years LATER.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2722695/Rise-broody-bloke-Men-want-family-20s-women-consider-32-ideal-age-child-happy-continue-forties.html
 A 42-year-old woman and 20-year-old guy were arrested in Florida on Tuesday, for having sex against the side of a pickup truck in the parking lot of a Beef 'O' Brady's restaurant.  The woman was also in the news four years ago when she was caught on video encouraging her teenage daughter during a fight.http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/Beef-O-Bradys-parking-lot-sex-798432
A 22-year-old woman in California has been getting worker's comp since she fractured a toe working at a furniture store in March.  But she competed in a beauty pageant in April where she was walking in high heels.  She was just arrested for fraud and could be facing up to a year in jail.http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/08/12/caught-on-camera-beauty-pageant-contestant-nabbed-in-workers-compensation-fraud/

A 29-year-old guy in England stole a fish tank from a store over the weekend, then took off running into the woods.  He stopped to pee . . . and didn't realize he was peeing into a WASP'S NEST.  That woke up the wasps, they attacked him, and he ran away . . . back toward the pet store, where cops arrested him.http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/bungling-thief-caught-after-accidentally-4040505
 Gary Kiehne is a Republican candidate for Congress in Arizona.  And he just sent out a bunch of fliers with the standard talking points . . . "Washington is broken" . . . "smaller government" . . . "repeal Obamacare" . . . stuff like that.http://www.tucsonweekly.com/TheRange/archives/2014/08/11/gary-kiehne-gets-biggest-endorsement-of-them-all
Apparently, there's a new trend called "logging" . . . where European tourists drunkenly poop in hotel pools.  It's been so bad at one hotel in Egypt that they're threatening to fine people $2,350 for doing it.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/travel/travel_news/article-2722828/Hotel-threatens-1-400-fines-rowdy-Brits-caught-pooing-swimming-pools-disgusting-new-logging-craze-exposes-guests-harmful-bacteria.html
 Some members of a church in New Castle, Ohio have been protesting a nearby
strip club for years. But on Sunday, the strippers decided to turn things around . . . 
and showed up TOPLESS to protest the church.http://www.coshoctontribune.com/story/news/local/2014/08/10/topless-women-demonstrate-church/13864525/
A 25-year-old woman in Washington was at her company picnic back in June,
and confronted a coworker's girlfriend for wearing VERY short shorts. The 25-year old
woman ended up tackling the other woman, punching her in the face, and
ripping out her extensions. She's been charged with assault.http://www.heraldnet.com/article/20140810/NEWS01/140819938/Woman-wearing-short-shorts-attacked-at-company-party
A Texas man was arrested after giving new meaning to the phrase "pounding the pavement" – by attempting to have sexual relations with a stranger's driveway.http://www.click2houston.com/news/man-accused-of-humping-driveway/27354222
 29-year-old guy in England was trying to be romantic for his girlfriend, and lit a bunch of candles in their bedroom.  But the candles wound up setting the RUG on fire, and the house started burning down.  The guy got out safely, and his girlfriend wasn't home yet, but the house was so messed up they have to move.http://elitedaily.com/news/world/boyfriends-romantic-welcome-home-sets-house-fire/705005/
 Three married couples from Switzerland were in Ibiza, Spain last week and they ended up having a six-way ORGY while they were riding in the back of a van.  A cop pulled the van over and wound up giving all of them $270 tickets . . . for not wearing their seatbelts.http://www.thelocal.es/20140807/swiss-sex-tourists-get-seatbelt-fine
A 24-year-old guy in North Carolina won a donut eating contest at a police event last week.  So he got a write-up in the local paper . . . which another cop saw, and recognized him as a WANTED criminal.  He had warrants out for three felony burglaries . . . the cop tracked him down and arrested him that day.http://time.com/3096322/doughnut-eating-contest-police/
A 78-year-old woman from Florida was busted last week trying to smuggle $20,000 to the Philippines . . . in her GIRDLE.  She was flying to the Philippines from Detroit when Customs agents caught her . . . she said she'd gotten the money from selling her house, and felt like this was a better way to transport it than wiring it.  She could face federal smuggling charges.
  A woman in New Jersey was doing yoga a few weeks ago when she saw her husband go into a spa across the street.  She went in looking for him, and found the staff was giving HAPPY ENDINGS to their clients.  So she called the cops.  An undercover cop went in last week, and when they offered him their sexual services, he busted the place.  Two women were arrested.http://www.northjersey.com/community-news/prostitution-arrests-made-at-rose-spa-in-rutherford-1.1064262

Friday August 1, 2014

A 48-year-old woman on a flight from Tunisia to Scotland got drunk and freaked out Wednesday night.  She screamed that she wanted either cigarettes or a parachute . . . and when flight attendants wouldn't give her either, she took off her PROSTHETIC LEG and attacked them with it.  The plane made an emergency landing in London and she was arrested.http://www.scotsman.com/news/odd/drunk-passenger-attacked-plane-crew-with-false-leg-1-3495360
As Washington state has started issuing licenses to legally sell marijuana this month, one Seattle cop has proven his dislike for the state's law again and again.http://www.newser.com/story/191785/one-cop-wrote-80-of-seattles-pot-tickets.html
A 50-year-old guy in Alaska was about to kill himself last November and had his shotgun pointed at his mouth when his 43-year-old girlfriend saw him . . . and tried to stop him by pistol whipping him.  He accidentally shot HER in the chest in the process and was just sentenced to seven years in prison.  Luckily, she survived.http://juneauempire.com/local/2014-07-30/six-inches-death#.U9uRs_ldXKN
 On Wednesday, a 54-year-old man in St. Charles, Michigan crashed through the wall of an abandoned house.  Apparently he'd passed out at the wheel.  And he died when rescuers couldn't get to him . . . because the house was filled with angry BEES.  It's not clear if the bees played a role in his death or not.http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2014/07/st_charles_man_dead_after_vehi.html

Thursday, July 31, 2014

There's a big difference between the cereal we buy and the cereal we like.  The top four best selling cereals in 2013 were Honey Nut Cheerios, Frosted Flakes, Honey Bunches of Oats, and Cheerios.  But the cereals people LIKE the most in pretty much every U.S. state are Cinnamon Toast Crunch and Special K.http://www.movoto.com/blog/opinions/most-liked-cereals-by-state/
There's a company in England that's hiring men around the world to work part time for them . . . testing out brand new male sex toys.  You don't actually get paid, but you do get a bunch of toys for free . . . you just have to report back on how they work.  And the only requirements for the job are being over 18 and male.http://jezebel.com/company-posts-ad-looking-for-male-sex-toy-tester-1613081541
 A 23-year-old woman in Nebraska robbed a bank on Monday by claiming she had a bomb, then took off running.  At least she TRIED . . . she was so out-of-shape that she ended up COLLAPSING a few blocks away, and needed medical attention.  She's facing felony charges for the robbery and bomb threat.http://www.wowt.com/home/headlines/Robbery-Suspect-Collapses-Blocks-From-Scene-268945181.html
 Around 9:30 A.M. on Tuesday, police in West Virginia got a call about a woman walking a man down the street with a LEASH.  When they got there, the 53-year-old woman and a 56-year-old man told the cops they were boyfriend and girlfriend and just playing a harmless sex game.  But criminal charges could be coming.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/naked-hooded-man-on-leash-576321

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

  A 28-year-old woman, her 30-year-old boyfriend, and another 29-year-old woman in Arizona had a THREESOME in a public hot tub at an apartment complex on Sunday night.  They were all arrested for public sexual indecency . . . and it turns out the 28-year-old had left her two young children home alone at the time.http://www.yourwestvalley.com/peoria/article_a4ff8422-16ae-11e4-98b8-001a4bcf887a.html
Four inmates at a minimum-security prison in Australia had been breaking out, getting drunk, and breaking back in before the guards noticed.  But on Sunday night they got into a DRUNKEN BRAWL on the inside.  The guards could tell they were drunk, investigated, and all four guys were moved to maximum-security.http://gawker.com/prison-inmates-break-out-get-wasted-then-sneak-back-i-1612746796
A tornado tore through Kingsport, Tennessee on Sunday and damaged several homes.  And while it was ripping through one 26-year-old guy's house, it flung a bunch of his stuff onto his lawn . . . including a bunch of stuff he'd STOLEN from his neighbors.  He's been charged with burglary and theft.http://abcnews.go.com/US/tennessee-tornado-helps-bust-neighborly-thief-police-charge/story?id=24762348
 JESSE VENTURA won $1.8 million from the estate of deceased Navy SEAL CHRIS KYLE.  In his book "American Sniper", Kyle had claimed he punched out an unnamed celebrity who was running down America, and even said the SEALs, quote, "deserve to lose a few" in Iraq.  In subsequent interviews, he identified the celebrity as Ventura.  Jesse denies the incident occurred.http://www.startribune.com/local/269042071.html

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

A woman who was carrying a bottle filled with her own urine is facing a drug possession charge after the liquid tested positive for methamphetamine, according to cops who surmised that the suspect was planning to extract traces of the drug from the bodily waste.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/meth-in-urine-charge-687432
A 31-year-old guy in Florida went to an apartment complex on Saturday looking for someone . . . and when that person wasn't there, he tried to set the place on FIRE.  But he accidentally set HIMSELF on fire.  And when he stopped, dropped, and rolled, his wallet fell out.  Police used that to confirm he was the arsonist, and arrested him.http://www.news-journalonline.com/article/20140726/NEWS/140729567/1040/frontpage?Title=Police-Man-captured-after-setting-fire-to-apartment-himself
 A 34-year-old man in Florida bought two cans of Sam Adams at a convenience store on Thursday . . . but got angry when the clerk told him they were $3.75.  He thought they should be $3.  So, he pulled out a GUN and robbed the place.  The cops tracked him down later that night and arrested him.http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/palm-beach/boynton-beach/fl-boynton-beer-robbery-20140728,0,7357224.story
A 34-year-old man in Florida bought two cans of Sam Adams at a convenience store on Thursday . . . but got angry when the clerk told him they were $3.75.  He thought they should be $3.  So, he pulled out a GUN and robbed the place.  The cops tracked him down later that night and arrested him.http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/palm-beach/boynton-beach/fl-boynton-beer-robbery-20140728,0,7357224.story

Monday, July 28, 2014

A 28-year-old guy in Maryland had a warrant out for a probation violation, and the county police department posted his photo on Facebook.  And he commented on the photo, quote, "Y'all will never catch me."  They caught him the next day.http://www.abc2news.com/news/crime-checker/anne-arundel-crime/edgewater-man-who-taunted-anne-arundel-county-police-arrested-next-day
Saturday night near Comic-Con, a man driving with his kids sped up to get through a "zombie walk" and hit a 64-year-old woman with his car.  She may have suffered a broken arm.  Police say the man and his kids were deaf, and the kids were afraid.  There are also reports that the "zombies" attacked his car and broke the windshield.  No arrests were made, but police are investigating.http://www.deadline.com/2014/07/comic-con-hit-and-run-zombie-march/
Three women got fed up with the sexual harassment of women who dress up at Comic-Con, and started a movement called Geeks for CONsent.  They want Comic-Con to do a better job of policing the morons who make inappropriate comments, take inappropriate photos, or even GROPE women who dress up.http://www.geeksforconsent.org/
A 48-year-old guy in Florida was driving drunk in his pickup truck on Tuesday, rear-ended another car . . . then got out to fight the driver.  But he forgot to put his truck in park . . . so when the other driver sped off, he got RUN OVER by his own truck.  He wound up with a broken hand, a broken foot, and a DUI.http://www.gainesville.com/article/20140723/ARTICLES/140729851/1183?Title=Man-in-road-rage-incident-run-over-by-own-truck
A guy in Alabama is suing a hospital after he went in for a circumcision last month . . . and they ended up AMPUTATING his JUNK.  Apparently there were complications with the circumcision so they amputated . . . but he says they never warned him that could happen, and he never gave consent.http://w.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/07/jefferson_county_lawsuit_man_g.html#incart_m-rpt-2
A 38-year-old woman in Scotland was having medical issues, and doctors FINALLY figured out what was wrong.  Ten years earlier, she accidentally left a five-inch ADULT TOY in her lady parts.  It got lodged there and caused a life-threatening condition.  Luckily doctors were able to remove it.http://gawker.com/surgeons-discover-10-year-old-sex-toy-inside-womans-vag-1610124009
A 23-year-old guy in Delaware tried to rob a Pizzeria back in 2010 . . . but the employees tackled him, knocked his gun away, and held him down until the cops got there.  He's serving 15 years in prison for the robbery . . . and now he's SUING the pizzeria for $260,000 because he says the employees were too rough with him.
There's a 26-year-old U.S. Post Office worker in New York who's also an amateur bikini mode, and last week she decided her hair salon had BOTCHED her hairdo . . . so she started throwing chairs, smashing beauty products, and throwing equipment.  She was arrested and charged with five misdemeanors, and could be looking at up to one year in jail.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/woman-goes-on-salon-rampage-768092
A 44-year-old woman got extremely drunk at a House of Blues in Florida on Saturday night, and they ended up throwing her out.  An off-duty cop escorted her off the property . . . but she didn't like that.  So she called 911 four times in 30 minutes to request a NEW cop to handle the situation.  She wound up getting arrested for misuse of 911.http://www.wesh.com/news/deputies-drunk-woman-abused-911-system-multiple-times/27071768

Wednesday,july 23, 2014

A 47-year-old guy in Virginia left his one-year-old twin daughters in a hot car last week . . . so he could have sex with a woman behind a building.  Someone saw the girls and called the cops . . . they arrested the guy for felony child endangerment.http://www.pennlive.com/nation-world/2014/07/dad_allegedly_leaves_1-year-ol.html
There's a neighborhood in Oregon that's being TERRORIZED right now . . . by someone vandalizing cars with PASTRIES.  One time they smeared a maple bar on a car . . . another time they left donuts on a car's windshield . . . and they've hit at least a dozen cars total.  The cops have added extra patrols to try to catch them.http://www.oregonlive.com/hillsboro/index.ssf/2014/07/doughnut_caper_strikes_hillsbo.html#incart_river

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Toyota just announced a new option in their 2015 Sienna minivan.  You can get an optional MICROPHONE in the driver's seat that amplifies your voice through the speakers in the backseat . . . to make it easier to yell at your kids.http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory/toyota-minivan-makes-easier-yell-kids-24624844
CARLOS "SLIM" HELU is the second-richest person in the world . . . he's a Mexican businessman worth $80.3 billion.  And he says the future of work is a THREE-DAY work week with a four-day weekend.  The catch is you'd work 11-hour days and only retire when you're 70 or 75.http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2014/07/19/billionaire_carlos_slim_backs_three_day_work_week.html

A county jail in Michigan is going back to those old-fashioned black-and-white striped jumpsuits . . . because "Orange Is the New Black" made the orange ones seem cool.  The sheriff is afraid non-inmates are wearing orange jumpsuits now, so when inmates do work in public, it's easier for them to blend in and escape.http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2014/07/black_and_white_is_the_new_ora.html#incart_river
A 44-year-old Asian woman tried to shoplift from a Macy's in California a few weeks ago, but a security guard grabbed her.  And as she fought to get away, somehow her SHIRT and BRA came off.  So she ran away TOPLESS.  But she left her purse behind with her driver's license in it, so now the police are tracking her down.http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/07/21/police-mall-theft-suspect-flees-store-topless-after-hitting-officer/
A 59-year-old cop in Indiana has been letting his adult son live with him, along with his son's girlfriend.  And he was arrested earlier this month after they set up a hidden camera . . . and caught him sniffing her UNDERWEAR then stealing it.http://www.elkharttruth.com/news/crime-fire-courts/2014/07/17/Millersburg-town-marshal-David-Hathaway-faces-charges-for-stealing-underwear-from-son-s-girlfriend.html