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Tuesday, July 29, 2014


A woman who was carrying a bottle filled with her own urine is facing a drug possession charge after the liquid tested positive for methamphetamine, according to cops who surmised that the suspect was planning to extract traces of the drug from the bodily waste.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/meth-in-urine-charge-687432
A 31-year-old guy in Florida went to an apartment complex on Saturday looking for someone . . . and when that person wasn't there, he tried to set the place on FIRE.  But he accidentally set HIMSELF on fire.  And when he stopped, dropped, and rolled, his wallet fell out.  Police used that to confirm he was the arsonist, and arrested him.http://www.news-journalonline.com/article/20140726/NEWS/140729567/1040/frontpage?Title=Police-Man-captured-after-setting-fire-to-apartment-himself
 A 34-year-old man in Florida bought two cans of Sam Adams at a convenience store on Thursday . . . but got angry when the clerk told him they were $3.75.  He thought they should be $3.  So, he pulled out a GUN and robbed the place.  The cops tracked him down later that night and arrested him.http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/palm-beach/boynton-beach/fl-boynton-beer-robbery-20140728,0,7357224.story
A 34-year-old man in Florida bought two cans of Sam Adams at a convenience store on Thursday . . . but got angry when the clerk told him they were $3.75.  He thought they should be $3.  So, he pulled out a GUN and robbed the place.  The cops tracked him down later that night and arrested him.http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/palm-beach/boynton-beach/fl-boynton-beer-robbery-20140728,0,7357224.story
 

Monday, July 28, 2014


A 28-year-old guy in Maryland had a warrant out for a probation violation, and the county police department posted his photo on Facebook.  And he commented on the photo, quote, "Y'all will never catch me."  They caught him the next day.http://www.abc2news.com/news/crime-checker/anne-arundel-crime/edgewater-man-who-taunted-anne-arundel-county-police-arrested-next-day
Saturday night near Comic-Con, a man driving with his kids sped up to get through a "zombie walk" and hit a 64-year-old woman with his car.  She may have suffered a broken arm.  Police say the man and his kids were deaf, and the kids were afraid.  There are also reports that the "zombies" attacked his car and broke the windshield.  No arrests were made, but police are investigating.http://www.deadline.com/2014/07/comic-con-hit-and-run-zombie-march/
Three women got fed up with the sexual harassment of women who dress up at Comic-Con, and started a movement called Geeks for CONsent.  They want Comic-Con to do a better job of policing the morons who make inappropriate comments, take inappropriate photos, or even GROPE women who dress up.http://www.geeksforconsent.org/
 
A 48-year-old guy in Florida was driving drunk in his pickup truck on Tuesday, rear-ended another car . . . then got out to fight the driver.  But he forgot to put his truck in park . . . so when the other driver sped off, he got RUN OVER by his own truck.  He wound up with a broken hand, a broken foot, and a DUI.http://www.gainesville.com/article/20140723/ARTICLES/140729851/1183?Title=Man-in-road-rage-incident-run-over-by-own-truck
A guy in Alabama is suing a hospital after he went in for a circumcision last month . . . and they ended up AMPUTATING his JUNK.  Apparently there were complications with the circumcision so they amputated . . . but he says they never warned him that could happen, and he never gave consent.http://w.al.com/news/birmingham/index.ssf/2014/07/jefferson_county_lawsuit_man_g.html#incart_m-rpt-2
A 38-year-old woman in Scotland was having medical issues, and doctors FINALLY figured out what was wrong.  Ten years earlier, she accidentally left a five-inch ADULT TOY in her lady parts.  It got lodged there and caused a life-threatening condition.  Luckily doctors were able to remove it.http://gawker.com/surgeons-discover-10-year-old-sex-toy-inside-womans-vag-1610124009
 
A 23-year-old guy in Delaware tried to rob a Pizzeria back in 2010 . . . but the employees tackled him, knocked his gun away, and held him down until the cops got there.  He's serving 15 years in prison for the robbery . . . and now he's SUING the pizzeria for $260,000 because he says the employees were too rough with him.
http://www.delawareonline.com/story/news/local/2014/07/21/man-sues-pizzeria-thwarting-robbery-attempt/12967647/
There's a 26-year-old U.S. Post Office worker in New York who's also an amateur bikini mode, and last week she decided her hair salon had BOTCHED her hairdo . . . so she started throwing chairs, smashing beauty products, and throwing equipment.  She was arrested and charged with five misdemeanors, and could be looking at up to one year in jail.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/stupid/woman-goes-on-salon-rampage-768092
A 44-year-old woman got extremely drunk at a House of Blues in Florida on Saturday night, and they ended up throwing her out.  An off-duty cop escorted her off the property . . . but she didn't like that.  So she called 911 four times in 30 minutes to request a NEW cop to handle the situation.  She wound up getting arrested for misuse of 911.http://www.wesh.com/news/deputies-drunk-woman-abused-911-system-multiple-times/27071768
 

Wednesday,july 23, 2014


A 47-year-old guy in Virginia left his one-year-old twin daughters in a hot car last week . . . so he could have sex with a woman behind a building.  Someone saw the girls and called the cops . . . they arrested the guy for felony child endangerment.http://www.pennlive.com/nation-world/2014/07/dad_allegedly_leaves_1-year-ol.html
There's a neighborhood in Oregon that's being TERRORIZED right now . . . by someone vandalizing cars with PASTRIES.  One time they smeared a maple bar on a car . . . another time they left donuts on a car's windshield . . . and they've hit at least a dozen cars total.  The cops have added extra patrols to try to catch them.http://www.oregonlive.com/hillsboro/index.ssf/2014/07/doughnut_caper_strikes_hillsbo.html#incart_river

Tuesday, July 22, 2014


Toyota just announced a new option in their 2015 Sienna minivan.  You can get an optional MICROPHONE in the driver's seat that amplifies your voice through the speakers in the backseat . . . to make it easier to yell at your kids.http://abcnews.go.com/Business/wireStory/toyota-minivan-makes-easier-yell-kids-24624844
CARLOS "SLIM" HELU is the second-richest person in the world . . . he's a Mexican businessman worth $80.3 billion.  And he says the future of work is a THREE-DAY work week with a four-day weekend.  The catch is you'd work 11-hour days and only retire when you're 70 or 75.http://www.slate.com/blogs/the_slatest/2014/07/19/billionaire_carlos_slim_backs_three_day_work_week.html

A county jail in Michigan is going back to those old-fashioned black-and-white striped jumpsuits . . . because "Orange Is the New Black" made the orange ones seem cool.  The sheriff is afraid non-inmates are wearing orange jumpsuits now, so when inmates do work in public, it's easier for them to blend in and escape.http://www.mlive.com/news/saginaw/index.ssf/2014/07/black_and_white_is_the_new_ora.html#incart_river
A 44-year-old Asian woman tried to shoplift from a Macy's in California a few weeks ago, but a security guard grabbed her.  And as she fought to get away, somehow her SHIRT and BRA came off.  So she ran away TOPLESS.  But she left her purse behind with her driver's license in it, so now the police are tracking her down.http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/07/21/police-mall-theft-suspect-flees-store-topless-after-hitting-officer/
A 59-year-old cop in Indiana has been letting his adult son live with him, along with his son's girlfriend.  And he was arrested earlier this month after they set up a hidden camera . . . and caught him sniffing her UNDERWEAR then stealing it.http://www.elkharttruth.com/news/crime-fire-courts/2014/07/17/Millersburg-town-marshal-David-Hathaway-faces-charges-for-stealing-underwear-from-son-s-girlfriend.html
 
 

Friday, July 11, 20148


A Malaysia Airlines flight from Amsterdam to Malaysia was shot down over the Ukraine with a surface-to-air missile yesterday, killing all 298 people on board.  It's not official yet, but apparently it was shot down by pro-Russian separatists in the Ukraine, who thought it was a Ukrainian military transport.http://www.cnn.com/2014/07/17/world/europe/ukraine-malaysia-airlines-crash/index.html?hpt=hp_t1
A real estate blog just ranked the 50 states by how SCARY they are . . . using everything from natural disasters and the murder rate, to the number of clowns and dentists.  Florida is the scariest state, Georgia is second, and Texas is third.  North and South Dakota are the LEAST scary states.http://blog.estately.com/2014/07/the-united-states-of-fear-which-american-states-are-the-scariest/
A 29-year-old guy in Kentucky was arrested for shoplifting on Tuesday.  And while he was in jail, he called Domino's on his cell phone, posed as the cop who arrested him, and ordered five pizzas.  A good prank . . . that got him two FELONY charges for identity theft and impersonating a cop.http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/arrestee-orders-pizza-for-cops-675432
 

Thursday, July 17, 2014


A 22-year-old guy from Michigan wanted to get his girlfriend an engagement ring, but couldn't afford it.  So on Valentine's Day he went to the bank where she works and ROBBED it. http://abc7chicago.com/news/man-allegedly-robs-girlfriends-bank-to-pay-for-engagement-ring/184560/
A guy in Australia just admitted he mortgaged his house so he could enlarge his MICROPENIS.  He was less than 2.75 inches when fully engorged, so he had a $42,000 surgery . . . but it didn't work.  http://www.9news.com.au/national/2014/07/16/12/34/i-mortgaged-my-house-to-lengthen-my-penis?mch=mobilenh&mchpost=pos1

Wednesday,Juy 16, 2014


A 49-year-old man and his wife were on a jet ski in Florida on Sunday afternoon when she confronted him . . . because she'd spotted him GETTING-IT-ON with a GUY.  They started fighting, he yanked her off the jet ski, and she hit her head on it when she was falling off.  He was arrested for felony domestic violence.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/jet-ski-domestic-battery-675421
 A 49-year-old guy in Connecticut was arrested last week . . . for stabbing a WATERMELON.  His wife called the cops to say he'd, quote, "passive aggressively" threatened her by leaving the stabbed watermelon in the kitchen.  He was arrested for threatening and disorderly conduct.http://newyork.cbslocal.com/2014/07/15/conn-man-charged-with-threatening-wife-by-stabbing-watermelon/

Marvel has decided to make the character Thor a WOMAN.  And no, it's not a sidekick or a spin-off.  The ACTUAL Thor is going to be female in the comic books now. http://instagram.com/marvel
A Vietnam veteran who lost both legs has been trying to get the VA to give him a new wheelchair for two years, because his keeps breaking . . . but they wouldn't.  He was at a Lowe's last Monday when his chair broke AGAIN.  Fortunately three employees jumped in and spent 45 minutes fixing it.http://www.silive.com/northshore/index.ssf/2014/07/good_news_lowes_employees_come.html

Headlines for Tuesday,15, 2014


A 38-year-old guy and a 27-year-old woman were busted on Saturday night in Delaware for having sex on the roof of a Chipotle.  A bunch of people saw them and called the cops, but they took off.  The cops tracked them down next door and arrested them on several charges, including lewdness and resisting arrest.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/sex-on-Chipotle-roof-687432
A new study says your friends aren't your friends by accident . . . people gravitate toward people who have similar DNA.  So your genes match about 1% of your friends' genes, which doesn't sound like a lot . . . but it's the same amount you'd share with someone who's your fourth cousin.http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/wireStory/study-friends-share-similarities-dna-24560191

Police in Florida got a call yesterday afternoon about a suspicious object in the road . . . it was a chicken head in a pot, next to a paper bag with an unknown object inside.  So the bomb squad came in and blew it up.  Now they think it was all part of a VOODOO RITUAL.http://www.mysuncoast.com/news/local/suspicious-chicken-head-device-closes-down-sarasota-road/article_21f081e0-0b95-11e4-b669-0017a43b2370.html
Archie DIES in the next issue of his comic book.  It happens in the "Archie" spin-off comic book series called "Life with Archie" where he's an adult.  And in the second-to-last issue . . . which comes out tomorrow . . . he jumps in front of a bullet to save his gay best friend, who's a senator pushing for more gun control.http://www.theverge.com/2014/7/14/5898195/archie-dies-saving-gay-best-friend-kevin-keller

Mourners at a funeral Sunday for a 3-year-old Filipino girl received quite a shock when the toddler suddenly started to move during church services.http://www.newser.com/story/190912/dead-toddler-wakes-up-at-own-funeral.html
The Octomom, NADYA SULEMAN, pleaded no contest to one count of misdemeanor welfare fraud yesterday in Los Angeles.  A judge gave her 200 hours of community service, two years probation, and a small fine.  Which isn't bad considering she was originally facing four FELONY counts, and more than SIX YEARS in jail.http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2014/07/15/octomom-pleads-guilty-to-welfare-fraud/?tid=hp_mm
 

Monday, July 14, 2014


Headlines
A Florida man was grilled by cops after he decided to really have it his way at a neighborhood Burger King – by dropping his pants and fondling himself right outside the restaurant door.http://offthebeat.blogs.tcpalm.com/2014/07/10/636/
Two guys in their late 20s went into a Chuck E. Cheese together on Tuesday with NO KIDS . . . headed for the bathroom . . . and started doing HEROIN in one of the stalls.  That obviously caught people's attention, so someone called the cops and they were both arrested.http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/07/11/2-men-arrested-for-smoking-heroin-in-oc-chuck-e-cheese-bathroom/
A coroner in Pennsylvania was driving a van on Friday afternoon when somehow the back door opened . . . and the CORPSE fell out.  Then it started rolling down the street.  The driver managed to grab it before it rolled too far . . . the coroner's office says it, quote, "deeply regrets" what happened.http://www.buckscountycouriertimes.com/news/communities/hamptons/county-malfunction-caused-body-to-slip-out-of-coroner-s/article_5653f520-2956-5c69-803d-e3920

Customs agents in Arizona caught a couple trying to smuggle two live PARROTS into the U.S. earlier this month.  And they found them inside a stuffed ELMO doll.  The couple got a $300 fine.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/12/parrots-smuggled-inside-elmo-doll_n_5580214.html

 

Friday, July 11, 2014


Headlines
A 52-year-old couple in Oklahoma were getting drunk together last Thursday around 6:00 P.M., and decided to have sex outside . . . on a sidewalk in front of a CHURCH.  They were arrested for lewdness and public drunkenness.http://kfor.com/2014/07/10/okc-police-two-people-naked-having-sex-on-sidewalk-in-front-church/
A 30-year-old guy camped out overnight this week to be the first person in Spokane, Washington to buy weed legally.  And when the local news covered it, his boss FIRED him.  But the guy says he has no regrets, and he's hoping to land his dream job . . . working at a marijuana dispensary.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Wu9Tc1cRO8&feature=youtu.be

According to a new study, smelling someone's BAD GAS might help prevent heart attacks, strokes, diabetes, dementia, and cancer.  Hydrogen sulfide is the chemical that makes flatulence smell bad, and it also helps preserve the mitochondria in your cells . . . which keep them healthy and YOU healthy.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2687696/Could-smelling-farts-GOOD-Potent-gas-flatulence-help-prevent-cancer-strokes-heart-attacks-claims-scientists.html
A 51-year-old woman in Florida did some HEROIN on Wednesday, and for some reason it inspired her to go out into the middle of the street . . . strip down almost naked . . . and do yoga.  When the cops got there she was just in her underwear, going through a variety of yoga poses.  She was arrested and is facing several drug charges.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/naked-yoga-heroin-arrest-675432

Tuesday, July 10, 2014


Headlines
A 79-year-old guy and 73-year-old woman in Florida got married back in November . . . and the honeymoon clearly ended on Monday.  He thought she'd stolen his checkbook, confronted her with his gun, pistol whipped her . . . and then fired at her as she ran away.  He missed . . . and was arrested for attempted murder.http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/broward/fl-hallandale-married-attempted-murder-20140708,0,2608798.story
People have been uploading video of Tuesday's World Cup BLOW-OUT between Germany and Brazil to the X-rated site PornHub.com.  But they actually want it to stop.  They Tweeted, quote, "Please stop uploading the game highlights to Pornhub . . . Our public humiliation category is full."http://gawker.com/pornhub-begs-users-to-stop-uploading-video-of-germany-f-1602417863
A new survey on etiquette in America found that the rudest thing people do is text during meals . . . the worst way you can break up with someone is by posting on Facebook . . . and only 64% of people have given someone the middle finger.http://www.vanityfair.com/online/daily/2014/07/etiquette-60-minutes-poll

Wednesday,Juy 9, 2013


On Saturday, a 29-year-old guy in a dress led police in Kansas on a high-speed chase . . . and only surrendered after driving in circles for 40 minutes in a soybean field, and climbing on top of his car to SURF on it.http://www.kake.com/news/crimetracker/headlines/Hew-Hampshire-man-leads-Saline-Co-deputies-on-bizarre-chase-266109831.html
A new study out of Italy has found that women who eat at least one or two apples a day are HORNIER than women who don't . . . and also have better sex.  They think it's because the antioxidants in apples stimulate a woman's blood flow and apples have a chemical that works like a female sex hormone.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/08/sex-study_n_5568877.html
A woman in Missouri watched an episode of "Cold Case Files" on A&E last month, and it featured the house SHE was renting.  Turns out a serial killer had tortured and killed at least 12 women inside.  The St. Louis Housing Authority helped the woman get out of her lease, and she's moving out by the end of the month.http://abcnews.go.com/US/woman-found-serial-killer-lived-home-watching-tv/story?id=24467447
 

Tuesday, July 8, 2014


A guy in Florida called in a fake bomb threat at the electric company last week, from a pay phone outside a gas station.  But before he did, he went inside to get change . . . because he didn't realize he could call 911 for free.  So the security cameras got a perfect look at his face, and now the cops are tracking him down.
 http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/broward/fort-lauderdale/fl-port-bomb-threat-caller-20140703,0,440154.story

Back in May, the Motion Picture Association of America banned a poster for "Sin City 2" because too much of EVA GREEN'S chestal real estate was visible.  And now, the MPAA is at it again. 
http://enter10n.com/industry/zero-theorem-poster-banned-mpaa-due-nudity/
A 34-year-old California man has been arrested for dressing up as a county fair employee and trying to recruit teenage girls for his porn business, "Big Pimpin' Inc." http://www.ktvu.com/news/news/crime-law/man-arrested-soliciting-girls-porn-industry-alamed/ngZm3/
Christine Saunders, 45, was arrested by police in Dekalb County, Ala. after she drunkenly stole a horse and rode it to a nearby store to steal merchandise. Police found the horse tied up outside with three cans of Keystone Light inside a plastic Walmart bag tied to its saddle horn.http://www.wsfa.com/story/25958917/sheriff-drunk-woman-rides-stolen-horse-to-rob-store
Headlines
Monday, July 7, 2014

American Apparel was posting photos of fireworks online for the Fourth of July, but one of them was actually the explosion of the Challenger SPACE SHUTTLE.  They pulled it down after people called them on it, and blamed it on, quote, "one of our international social media employees who was born after the tragedy." http://mashable.com/2014/07/04/american-apparel-challenger/
Some burglars in New York City used the Fourth of July fireworks as a cover to saw through the roof of a BANK, then drop in and rob the place.  The cops are trying to track them down.http://nypost.com/2014/07/06/robbers-enter-bank-by-sawing-hole-in-roof/
  A couple got married at a Doubletree Inn in South Carolina last year, and their wedding was RUINED by a guy standing in one of the hotel windows overlooking their wedding SHAKING HIS GENITALIA at them.  He was arrested, but now the couple is suing the hotel for negligence and emotional distress.http://gawker.com/bride-sues-hotel-after-depraved-guest-ruins-wedding-w-1599823351
 
Headlines
Thursday, July 3, 2014
A 56-year-old woman and 25-year-old man in Florida were drinking together a few weeks ago . . . and the woman thought it would lead to getting-it-on.  When the guy turned her down, she chased him with her CANE and a KNIFE.  She was arrested for felony aggravated assault.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/denied-sex-woman-attacks-687543
A British guy with 10-INCH junk wasn't satisfied with his size . . . so he had it surgically enhanced to make it even THICKER.  Now he says it resembles a bottle of HAIRSPRAY.  And while some women have refused to have sex with him because it's too big, most have loved it . . . quote, "it's the best money I've ever spent."http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/tv/news/a581605/i-wanted-a-monster-is-penis-man-this-mornings-most-shocking-yet.html#~oITdL8WUvm2HRN
 
Headlines
Wednesday, July 2, 2014

 new survey found the average woman spends $170,000 on makeup in her lifetime.  That's about $300 per month, which seems high . . . but since it includes all makeup, perfume, moisturizers, and other beauty products, it might be right.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2675159/Women-spend-100-000-make-lifetime-60-say-ditch-man-without-cosmetics.html

 A 48-year-old guy in Delaware flicked a lit cigarette out his car window Sunday night, but it blew back in and set his car on fire.  Two people ran over and pulled him out as the car went up in flames, and saved his life . . . but he's still hospitalized with second- and third-degree burns.http://www.delawareonline.com/story/news/local/2014/06/30/tossed-cigarette-set-car-fire-officials-say/11766311/


In the 1989 sequel "Back to the Future 2", the heroes travel into the oh-so-distant future of 2015.  Since that's only half a year away, you're probably wondering why some of the cool stuff they predicted still isn't in our hands.  
Well, here are five that may be on the verge of coming true . . .
 http://uproxx.com/gammasquad/2014/07/here-are-five-back-to-the-future-ii-predictions-that-are-on-the-verge-of-coming-true/
A guy in England was upset with his bank . . . so he went to a branch on Monday, calmly dropped his pants, and started pooping all over the floor.  The other customers say he looked like a normal, well-off, middle-aged guy who was, quote, "calm but angry."  There's no word on whether the police are trying to track him down.http://www.dailystar.co.uk/news/latest-news/386492/Barclays-bank-customer-man-poos-on-floor
A 27-year-old in Kansas was walking around town in a full "Star Wars" stormtrooper costume on Monday, to take photos and videos for a Twitter account.  But some people saw his fake gun and called the COPS.  They even had a business go into lockdown while they investigated.  The guy was able to explain what he was doing and the cops let him go.http://www.kwch.com/news/local-news/man-dressed-as-storm-trooper-prompts-lockdown-in-salina/26741692?fb_action_ids=10203063114731461&fb_action_types=og.comments

 A guy in Minnesota got trapped in his car on Sunday after it caught on FIRE.  Fortunately a 52-year-old man pulled over, mustered up some superhuman strength, and somehow BENT the car door with his bare hands so he could get the guy out.  The guy only wound up with a few cuts and smoke inhalation.http://minnesota.cbslocal.com/2014/06/30/good-samaritan-saves-man-from-burning-car-in-new-brighton/
I doubt you've ever wondered about eating HUMAN FLESH . . . at least, I HOPE you've never wondered about it.  But a scientist in England says if you have . . . he's figured out how many CALORIES you'd be taking in.http://www.popsci.com/article/science/ask-anything-would-cannibalism-make-you-fat
 
 
A 56-year-old woman in Pennsylvania was just arrested for posing as a doctor . . . so she could give men PHYSICALS.  One guy finally got suspicious when she picked him up for his appointment in an old blue Ford Tempo, and the physical was at her HOUSE.  She's facing several felony charges.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/woman-posed-as-doctor-gave-physicals-564321

The average American spends $356.20 on beer each year . . . that's the seventh-most in the world.  And we drink an average of 217 beers per person, per year.http://comparisons.financesonline.com/beer-prices-around-the-world-compared/
A 52-year-old guy in Utah went to his Mormon church last August and headed for his usual seat.  But a guy was sitting there and saving three rows of pews.  They got into an argument, and after the service they took it outside . . . where the 52-year-old punched the other guy in the face.  He was just sentenced to 30 days in jail.http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/58112903-78/dodge-according-assault-church.html.csp
A 43-year-old man in Michigan was arrested on Sunday night for drunk driving . . . on a snowmobile.  That's right . . . he was drunk driving his snowmobile in June and crashed into a tree.  He was arrested for a DUI . . . and at the time he was arrested, it was 84 degrees outside. http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/summer-snowmobile-DUI-crash-576432
Headlines
Monday, June 30, 2014

A 34-year-old woman in Kansas found a spider in her house on Friday, and to get rid of it . . . she threw some towels on top of it and set them on FIRE.  She wound up setting her house on fire and was arrested for aggravated arson.http://www.hutchnews.com/news/local_state_news/woman-charged-with-arson-for-setting-small-fire-to-kill/article_f9c4a13e-d162
A woman and her stepson ordered chicken nuggets at a KFC earlier this month, and when the kid bit into one, it wasn't chicken . . . KFC had accidentally deep fried a BLUE HAND TOWEL. They apologized and offered the woman a free meal. She turned them down . . . but it doesn't look like she's suing.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2670548/I-asked-wet-wipe-ridiculous-KFC-diner-horrified-son-bites-piece-chicken-finds-deep-fried-hand-wipe-inside.html
 Two guys in Idaho were at a gas station a few weeks ago, talking about how a guy was blasting NICKELBACK. But some cops overheard them, thought they were talking about "nickel sacks" of marijuana, and got into it with them. They didn't get arrested, but there was a long conversation . . . and at one point, a cop allegedly pulled a gun on them.
http://www.cdapress.com/article_87e3e48c-fbfb-11e3-98e5-0019bb2963f4.html
A 24-year-old guy in Michigan is running for the state legislature in November . . . and he's hoping the voters will look past some felony arrests for a FETISH. He was arrested three times for breaking into cars, pulling on the spark plug wires so the engine would crank . . . and pleasuring himself to the sound.  He says it's a fetish called CRANKING, and he's not the only one who's got it.
http://gawker.com/gop-hopeful-my-public-masturbation-fetish-and-felonies-1596975303
Headlines
Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Your kids actually want to follow in your footsteps.  A new survey found one out of three teenagers would love to have the same job as their parents when they grow up . . . those are the highest numbers in a century.http://would love to have the same job as their parents when they grow up . . . those are the highest numbers in a century.
A 52-year-old guy from Pennsylvania got pulled over on Saturday and fought with the cops, so they tazed him.  But somehow it didn't affect him . . . he pulled the Taser barbs out of his chest, and took off in his car.  When he blew a tire, he charged at the cops who were following him, and stole THEIR car.  He was finally arrested later when he tried to rob a gas station.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/23/robert-zygarowsk-stun-gun-driving_n_5521328.html
Here is a parable for our age. It involves a gun-wielding man shooting himself in the dick and apparently failing to notice.http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/georgia-man-shoots-himself-in-the-dick-doesnt-notice-1594783276/+marchman
The "perfect male celeb"—and the results will amaze you!
Read more at ONTD: http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/89151039.html#ixzz35YE87WL1

A 51-year-old guy from New Jersey met a 60-year-old couple at a bar in New York on Saturday night, and invited them on his boat for a little cruise.  But the boat eventually crashed into a dock . . . because they'd started having a THREESOME.  The woman broke her nose and jaw, and the 51-year-old was charged with operating a boat under the influence.
Headlines 
Monday, June 23rd, 2014

Back in March, two inmates in Florida were SHOT in their cell.  And they claimed another inmate did it.  But it turns out they shot THEMSELVES with a gun they somehow smuggled in through the mail.  Police say their plan was to sue the prison for negligence and get their sentences reduced.http://wtaq.com/news/articles/2014/jun/17/florida-inmates-accused-in-foiled-shoot-and-sue-scheme/
Last month, police in France found a 12-year-old hiding in some bushes.  He told them he was hiding from a KIDNAPPER, and gave a detailed description of the guy.  So they were searching for him until last week, when the kid finally admitted he made the whole thing up . . . to avoid going to the DENTIST.http://www.thelocal.fr/20140620/boy-pretends-to-be-kidnapped-to-avoid-dentist
A robber tried to mug a guy in a Motel 6 parking lot in Mississippi on Friday . . . and when he pulled a gun he said, quote, "I bet you don't have one of these."  But the guy DID have a gun, pulled it out, and SHOT him in the chest.  The robber was hospitalized . . . and the guy who shot him isn't facing any charges.http://www.clarionledger.com/story/news/2014/06/20/jackson-apartments-shooting/11038103/
There's an app called First Derm where you send in photos of your JUNK . . . so a dermatologist can diagnose whether you've got an STD.  You do it anonymously, and it costs $40.http://betabeat.com/2014/06/app-lets-you-anonymously-send-dick-pics-to-a-doctor-for-an-std-diagnosis/