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Tuesday, October 8, 2015

Here are five dumb things people do after they win the lottery or inherit a bunch of money:

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

A guy in South Carolina called 911 on Monday to complain that his girlfriend wouldn't have
sex with him.  Even though that really isn't a police emergency, cops went to his house.
 And when they found him drinking outside, they arrested him for public intoxication.
Burger King recently unveiled a black Whopper for Halloween, a version of the chain's signature sandwich served on a black bun. But people who eat the A.1. Halloween
Whopper say it goes in one color... and comes out another. Your poop comes out
gobblin green.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/black-whopper-green-poop_56137ad4e4b0baa355ad21db
A guy in Ohio called the cops on Friday night because he was, quote, "too high"
on marijuana.
The trend in plastic surgery today is trying to look more NATURAL and
proportioned . . . except when it comes to your BUTT.

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

A Montana man recieved hundreds of stitches and staples in his head and face,
a swollen left eye, and some puncture wounds on his right leg, but he is lucky
to to be alive after an encounter with a 400-pound grizzly bear over the weekend.
The number of 911 calls has gone way up in the past few years . . .
all because of BUTT dialing.  About one in every three 911 calls is now a butt
dial.  And since every single call has to be investigated, it's causing a real drain
on resources.
A guy in England called 911 on Thursday to report that he'd paid for 30minutes
with a prostitute . . . but she only gave him 10.  Somehow he wasn't arrested.

Monday, October 5, 2015

A guy robbed an auto parts store in California last week, and tried to disguise himself by wearing a MAXI PAD over his face.
A guy in Pennsylvania got fired last year for having EXTREME GAS.  
During a news conference on Sunday afternoon, South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley
says“We haven’t seen this kind of rainfall in the low country in a thousand years,”
People are confusing Chris Mintz, the man who was injured confronting the perp in last week's deadly Oregon shooting, with Christopher Mintz-Plasse, who played McLovin in "Superbad".
A guy in Russia was pulled over a few weeks ago with a small BEAR in his backseat.
 But he didn't get a ticket, because it was wearing a SEAT BELT.

Thursday, October 1, 2015

Two drug smugglers in Mexico tried to sneak 55 pounds of cocaine over the border
recently, by hiding it where their passenger's side airbag should be.  But about
90 miles from the border, they got in a car crash . . . and were both KILLED.
A guy in Washington went on a METH binge a few weeks ago, and hallucinated that
"Mexicans in the trees" were going to attack his neighbor.
 A guy went to a nail salon in Philadelphia on Sunday night . . . got a manicure . . .
then pulled out a gun and ROBBED the place.  The cops are still trying to track him
It just happened.  ALANA "HONEY BOO BOO" THOMPSON has recorded a song.  It's called "Movin' Up"

Wednesday, September 30th, 2015

COPS, the documentary television show, will feature the Greenville County Sheriff's Office,
this Saturday at 8 p.m. on Spike TV.
Keurig Kold, which the AP reports allows soda DIYers to make their own "single servings
of cold beverages including Coke, Sprite, Dr. Pepper, and flavored seltzer waters,"
as well as eventually cocktail mixers. Per the company website, iced teas and sports
drinks are also in the mix.
A guy got beat up in Wisconsin on Friday night, and told the police he'd been attacked
by a HIPPOPOTAMUS.  He was drunk, and a witness said he'd actually been beaten
up by a person . . . but you never know.  The cops are looking for whoever assaulted him.
"Forbes" just released its list of the 400 richest Americans.

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

Guy Carjacked by Thugs, Shot by Bystander
 Want your fellow Americans armed to the teeth? OK, but consider this:
A bystander witnessing a carjacking in Houston Saturday night opened fire
and missed the assailants but shot the victim in the head, police say.
Krispy Kreme and Dunkin' Donuts are both giving out free coffee today
for National Coffee Day.  Whole Foods stores are selling 12-ounce cups for 25 cents
.  And instead of free coffee, Starbucks is launching a yearlong program where
they'll plant a tree for every bag of coffee they sell.
"Simpsons" executive producer AL JEAN says that Waylon Smithers will FINALLY
come out of the closet to Mr. Burns this season.  Quote, "We deal with that in two
episodes.  We actually do a lot with Smithers this year . . . he gets fed up with
Burns not appreciating him, and considers his options."
Will We Finally See a Jennifer Lopez Sex Tape? There's been talk for years that a JENNIFER LOPEZ sex tape exists, from J-Lo's first marriage to a man named
Ojani Noa.  And now, one of his "business partners" claims it's about to be released.
 SEAN ASTIN says there will definitely be a "Goonies" sequel, but he apparently doesn't have any real inside info, since he doesn't know when it'll happen or even if he'll be in it.
 He also says he and COREY FELDMAN once came up with an idea for a sequel and pitched it, but they were, quote, "respectfully dismissed."
 In an interview with "MATT DAMON suggests that gay actors should STAY IN THE CLOSET to protect their careers.  He said, quote, "I think you're a better actor if the
less people know about you period.  And sexuality is a huge part of that."
"Whether you're straight or gay, people shouldn't know anything about your sexuality, because that's one of the mysteries that you should be able to play."

Monday,September 28, 2015

Monday at 11:30am, the NASA announced earlier this week under the headline
"Mars Mystery Solved." Which means what, exactly?
http://Monday at 11:30am, the space agency announced earlier this week under the headline "Mars Mystery Solved." Which means what, exactly?
Marijuana Falls From Sky,Crushes Doghouse
48-year-old woman in Florida was arrested last week, and got thrown in a police van
with a 60-year-old woman . . . who BROKE WIND.  And she got so upset she kicked
the other woman in the HEAD.  So now she's facing TWO battery charges.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/battery/florida-fart-battery-926153
A school district in Washington just banned kids from playing TAG, because, quote, "Students are expected to keep their hands to themselves . . . to ensure the physica
l and emotional safety of all students."  But parents are complaining.

Friday!!! September 25th

According to a recent poll: 41% want a wall along the Canadian border.
Songwriter  Kevin Kadish who wrote ‘All About That Bass’ says he’smade only $5,000
for 178 million streams.
 Pope Francis hit a wide-ranging number of topics in his address to Congress Thursday.

Here are the five points getting attention:
”Federal agents say they seized more than 360 pounds of cocaine found in a shipment of Costa Rican pumpkins and squash at the Port of Philadelphia.
The release of Straight Outta Compton reignited the discussion surrounding Eazy-E’s
death from AIDS.  The film reopened the  conspiracy theory about how Eazy
contracted HIV.  Some say he contracted aids  through sex or a tainted needle?

Thursday, September 24, 2015

Two ghost hunters  were found dead in their daughter's Nevada apartment yesterday
 following a-long standoff with SWAT teams in what is likely a domestic-violence
 incident. They were identified by police as paranormal investigators Mark and Debby Constantino.


Wednesday, September 23, 2015

A Ginger Extremist Was Convicted in a Royal Death Plot . . . So Prince Harry Could Be King?http://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-hampshire-34324648
It's Official . . . Selfies Have Killed More People This Year Than Sharks. 
There Was a Brawl at Costco Over Taking Too Many Food Samples.
Donald Trump with Stephen Colbert on "The Late Show" 
A Judge Ruled That the Copyright to the "Happy Birthday" Song Is Invalid. 

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

ISIS recruits are fleeing the Jihadist group for various reasons—including their use as suicide bombers, the lack of luxury cars, and the sheer boredom of duties that don't involve frontline fighting. 58 have left ISIS since January 2014, but calls that number a mere fraction of defections since then, the Telegraph reports.
A Couple Hired a House Sitter, and He Put Their Apartment on Airbnb
 They only found out because the people who rented it happened to be their FRIENDS.  They can't file criminal charges, but they're planning to sue.
According to a stupid survey by Yahoo, iPhone users are more likely to like dogs, classical music, white wine, and Superman.  While Android users are more likely to like cats, hip hop, "Star Trek", and Batman.
Apple is building its own electric car that's set to ship in 2019.
A British TV show aired old footage of a Beatles performance, where the guys are encouraging the crowd to clap their hands and stomp their feet.  And John Lennon "demonstrates" how to do it. 

Monday !!! September 21, 2015

A Driver Got Arrested When Her Seven-Year-Old Told a Cop She'd Been Drinking.

  A woman named Estella Havisham recently wrote a letter to her 13-year-old son, after he told her to stop telling him what to do. Apparently he hadn't done his homework, but didn't want to be treated like a kid. 
Dear Aaron, Since you seem to have forgotten that you are only 13, and I'M the parent . . . I guess you will need to learn a lesson in independence.
 TRACY MORGAN made a surprise appearance at the Emmys last night to present an award.  And he joked that he's begun to feel like himself again, which meant, quote, "a whole lotta y'all women are gonna get pregnant at the after-party."  Meanwhile, VIOLA DAVIS became the first black woman to win Best Actress in a Drama, and JON HAMM finally won an Emmy for "Mad Men".

Friday!!! September 18, 2015

61-year-old Robert Predmore was still so drunk, that the cops  had to take him to the hospital before they took him to jail.  They also say he'd soiled himself, and that his pants matched the crime scene . . . which is SO gross.  Someone called 911 on Tuesday when they heard a guy breaking into a bar called Joey D's in East Naples, Florida.  And when the cops showed up, the place was a wreck
Uncle is killed over a kidnapped fighting rooster named Bubba after a gunfight at the mobile home.
A wounded nephew killed his uncle in a shootout — apparently over a prized pet fighting rooster — early Wednesday morning at a Moore Cemetary Road mobile home near Decatur, Tenn.
According to a study out of Oregon State,  which concluded that being around humans might be making dogs dumber.   The researchers  set up an experiment where dogs had two minutes to solve a puzzle.  They put a sausage in a clear box, and the dogs had to grab a piece of rope attached to the lid to open it.

Thursday, September 17, 2015

 “Look at that face! Would anyone vote for that? Can you imagine that, the face of our next president?!”At last night's Republican debate Donald trump was given the chance to apologize for his misogynistic comments made about Carly Fiorina,  AND CARLY FIORINA took on DONALD TRUMP for insulting her looks, Now, Trump COULD have done the grown-up thing and apologize, but as we all know, that's not his thing.  http://www.cnn.com/2015/09/16/politics/republican-debate-cnn-2016/index.html
 A 22-year-old woman in southern Australia named Bronwyn Parker recently found out her boyfriend was cheating on her AGAIN, and decided to punish him in a pretty insane way.
Comedian STEPHEN RANNAZZISI from "The League" has admitted he's been lying for years about escaping from the World Trade Center on 9/11.  He says, quote, "It was profoundly disrespectful to those who perished and those who lost loved ones . . . all I can ask is for forgiveness."
A Guy Climbed Onto a Ledge to Hide From a Woman's Husband! https://uk.news.yahoo.com/cheating-lover-spends-night-narrow-123423532.html#Uf5TqJB 

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Facebook has finally bowed to public demand, and decided to add a 'Dislike' button.  They announced it yesterday at a public town hall meeting that was streamed online
  According to MARK ZUCKERBERG, quote, "What [users] really want is the ability to express empathy.  Not every moment is a good moment."  It'll happen soon, but there's no official date.
7-Eleven is now offering a "Date Night Pack" in select cities.  It comes with a tub of Ben & Jerry's ice cream . . . a Hershey's bar . . . a can of Red Bull . . . a pack of gum . . . and a three-pack of condoms.  It costs between $15 and $20 depending on the city, and you can get it delivered for three bucks.http://time.com/4035184/7-eleven-delivery-packs/
Two guys at the Kentucky State Barbecue Festival got into an argument on Sunday, so one of them grabbed the other's huge slab of brisket and THREW it.  Unfortunately it hit a woman in the HEAD, and she ended up with burns to her head, neck, and shoulders.    The guy who threw it is facing charges for wanton endangerment.
 The new stupid internet trend is the "thighbrow."  It refers to the crease, fold, or roll of flesh that forms between a woman's upper thigh and their hip when they bend forward, sit, or kneel. http://www.mirror.co.uk/3am/celebrity-news/kylie-jenner-amber-rose-beyonce-6450638

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

 ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER is taking over for DONALD TRUMP on "Celebrity Apprentice" when it returns sometime during the 2016-2017 TV season.  And Trump actually APPROVES of the hire.
And if you have ever helped your child with their homework you may have had a humbling experience. 
FULL STORY:  Obviously you don't know everything.  You just don't want your KIDS to know that.
 A Medieval historian in England has found the earliest known example of the F-word.  (Careful!) Dr. Paul Booth is an honorary senior research fellow at Keele University in England.  And recently he was going through some medieval legal documents.  Specifically, the Chester County court plea rolls from December 8th, in the year 1310.
A Student is Suing the University of Arizona, Because a Meteorite Crushed His Hand?
Entourage" star ADRIAN GRENIER got in some trouble with an Instagram post on September 11th.  It was an image of the Twin Towers with the message, "R.I.P the 2,996 Americans who died in 9/11.  R.I.P the 1,455,590 innocent Iraqis who died during the U.S. invasion for something they didn't do."https://instagram.com/p/7fqZc3EH-d/
A guy in England cheated on his wife in broad daylight recently, and a neighbor filmed the whole thing . . . then posted it on Facebook.  So the guy admitted to his wife what he'd done.  But when another neighbor identified him on Facebook, he pulled a knife on them.

Monday , September 14, 2015

A 36-year-old woman in Virginia got busted for doing it with her boyfriend in the middle of a PARKING LOT last Tuesday, in broad daylight.  Then they did an awesome interview with the local news, where the boyfriend said, quote, "everyone wants to do something spontaneous."
Want to make $250 an hour? Be a professional mermaid.
Denver radio personality DAVID MUELLER is suing TAYLOR SWIFT, after he got fired for allegedly grabbing her backside at a meet-and-greet two years ago.  Mueller was working for KYGO at the time, under the air name JACKSON.
Demi Lovato hilariously misunderstood a very simple interview question.
A Florida man looking to score drugs was arrested this month after police say he mistakenly texted the captain of the Martin County Sheriff’s Narcotics Unit.

Friday!!!! September 11, 2015

How do people luck into jobs like this?  There's a 14-year-old kid in South Korea who goes by the name B.J. PATOO, and he makes up to $1,500 a night just by eating at his computer.
 A Missouri radio station manager has cleared the air—somewhat literally—offering an apology to listeners and suspending two morning show employees who made inappropriate comments about the on-air shooting of three people in Virginia.
State police say a bystander let a trooper use his canoe to apprehend a suspect who ran into a river after being hit with a stun gun.
25% of parents with kids who play high school sports hope they end up playing professionally.  But obviously that's not realistic.  For example, more than a million kids play high school football . . . only 6.5% of them play in college . . . and only 1.6% of THEM will be drafted by the NFL.

Thursday Sept. 10, 2015

A New Jersey woman has pleaded guilty to causing a man's death by injecting silicone into his penis.
Woman sensibly hides loaded gun in her vagina.
A New York City millionaire who died this summer has bequeathed a $100,000 trust fund to care for her 32 pet cockatiels.
Police say the driver of a milk tanker truck was choking on a soft drink when he drove off a Pennsylvania highway and crashed into 23 new cars on a dealership lot.
UFC women's champ RONDA ROUSEY will star in the remake of the PATRICK SWAYZE classic "Road House".  She even got the blessing of Swayze's widow.  She says, quote, "I promise to work incessantly to make sure this project is a tribute his family and fans can be proud of."

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

 Two five-year-old boys recently went missing from their kindergarten in Russia.  And it turned out they'd spent the last several days digging a HOLE under the fence, and tunneling out.  Police found them at a car dealership more than a mile away, and they said they were there because they wanted to get a, quote, "grown-up car."
There's a petition demanding that PRESIDENT OBAMA drink his own pee while filming "Running Wild with Bear Grylls" . . .

STEPHEN COLBERT's first "Late Show" included a fake action movie starring GEORGE CLOONEY . . . an appearance from "Tonight Show" host JIMMY FALLON . . . and a surprise cameo from JON STEWART . . . who we were all expecting to show up somewhere.

According to a new study, the more a guy makes you laugh, the more likely you are to get in a physical relationship.  But it doesn't work the other way around . . . funny women can't get physical with guys JUST by being funny.
Dentist Walter Palmer, who remains under fire for the death of Cecil the Lion.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

It looks like JOSH DUGGAR is one of the "victims" of the AshleyMadison.com hack.  According to the website Gawker, Josh spent about $1,000 on two separate accounts between 2013 and May of this year.http://gawker.com/family-values-activist-josh-duggar-had-a-paid-ashley-ma-1725132091
A 51 year-old guy in Georgia had a date with a hot chick HALF his age last month . . . but he had his six-year-old son for the weekend.  So he brought him to the date and left him in the car.  The kid got scared and called his mom, who called 911.  The dad AND his hot date were arrested for reckless conduct.http://abcnews.go.com/US/year-left-car-fathers-dinner-date-police/story?id=33172827

Friday !!!! August 7, 2015

Donald Trump isn't only leading the Republican polls for president, he also led in airtime Thursday night at the party's first debate of the 2016 election cycle.http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-politics/wp/2015/08/06/trump-got-the-most-airtime-during-the-gop-debate-by-a-lot/
A guy in Alabama was just arrested for bestiality when he accidentally butt dialed a friend . . . while he was having sex with a dog.  The call went to voicemail, and the friend sent the recording to the cops.
Jeb Bush wants to sell You a $75 guacamole bowl.http://www.eater.com/2015/8/5/9102081/jeb-bush-guacamole-bowl-isnt-he-rich-enough
A guy in Algeria just sued his wife one day into their marriage . . . after he saw her without MAKEUP for the first time.  He says she looked so different he didn't recognize her, so he wants $20,000 in damages.http://www.emirates247.com/offbeat/crazy-world/groom-sues-bride-for-not-looking-pretty-without-make-up-2015-08-03-1.598962

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

 An 18-year-old guy in Alabama was having trouble with his girlfriend on Thursday, and decided to work things out by having his mom call his girlfriend's parents and talk to them.  She wouldn't do it, so he started killing one of her chickens every 15 minutes until she DID.  He killed six before the cops arrested him.http://whnt.com/2015/06/25/deputies-elkmont-teen-kills-1-chicken-every-15-minutes-until-mommy-makes-nice-with-girlfriend/
An 18-year-old girl in Florida found her mom's WEED on Sunday night, and started flushing it down the toilet.  But her mom caught her, started screaming at her, then SLAPPED her.  So she was arrested for domestic battery.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/florida/mom-hit-daughter-who-flushed-her-pot-098523 
NBC fired DONALD TRUMP over the anti-Mexico stuff he said in his campaign announcement.  They're ditching both the Miss USA pageant and "Celebrity Apprentice".  Trump didn't back down though.  In addition to standing by his comments, he called NBC "weak" and threatened them with a lawsuit.http://money.cnn.com/2015/06/29/media/donald-trump-nbc-ends-relationship/index.html
A man in West Virginia wouldn't pay his water bill recently, because he claimed his service had been shut off.  The guy who owned the water company was furious, so his 39-year-old daughter and her 20-year-old son went to the man's house last week and BEAT HIM UP.  They were both arrested.http://www.wchstv.com/news/features/eyewitness-news/stories/WV-Woman-And-Son-Beat-Man-Who-Didn-39-t-Pay-Bill-154907.shtml#.VZKRWvlVhBd

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Actor Jake Lloyd lead police on a high-speed chase . . . he also attacked his own mother. http://www.tmz.com/2015/06/23/jake-lloyd-star-wars-schizophrenia-assaulted-police-report-beats-mother/#ixzz3dvoYsjmG
Online retailers eBay and Amazon on Tuesday announced they're banning the sale of Confederate flag merchandise, following in the footsteps of their brick-and-mortar counterparts, Walmart and Sears, which announced a similar move on Monday.http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2015/06/23/ebay-decides-to-ban-the-confederate-flag-too/
A couple in Ohio got pulled over on Saturday for driving naked, eating pizza, and drinking beer.  They were both arrested, and the guy peed in the back of the police car.http://www.wxyz.com/news/local-news/ohio-woman-accused-of-driving-naked-while-eating-pizza-arrested-for-dui
A guy in Indiana was standing in the parking lot of a bar on Saturday night, dancing by himself and LICKING A TOAD.  The cops made him leave, but he came back a few minutes later licking a NEW toad, and was arrested for trespassing.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/bizarre/toad-licker-locked-up-086431

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

JAKE GYLLENHAAL gave a strange interview, where he tried to describe his approach to acting by saying that since we are "like 90% water," we are "affected by the moon when it's full," just like the ocean.  So if you spend time in the real-life environment of the character you're playing, it's more real.  Or something.
Clint Eastwood has picked his next project as a director—the story of how Capt. Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger landed his US Airways plane safely in the Hudson River in 2009.http://www.newser.com/story/207711/eastwood-to-direct-captain-sully-biopic.html
The second part of the "Today" show's interview with TRACY MORGAN aired yesterday.  Tracy said he doesn't know how he'll be funny again, but he vowed to make it back for the fans.
 A woman shoplifted three phone chargers from a Rite Aid in Connecticut on Sunday, and replaced them on the shelf with a pile of her POOP.  She also wiped herself using some tissues and left those on another shelf.  The cops caught her before she left the store and she was arrested.http://www.nhregister.com/general-news/20150601/pd-shoplifter-took-350-in-goods-left-feces-at-middletown-store
The hot new social media trend is the "Hold a Coke With Your Boobs Challenge."  Women are posing with a can or bottle of Coke between their breasts, to raise awareness for breast cancer.  And, well, to show off.http://jezebel.com/holding-a-coke-with-your-boobs-isnt-going-to-help-anyon-1708458980