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Wednesday,October 1, 2014

A 49-year-old guy in Florida was walking around last week, testing out his Captain Jack Sparrow Halloween costume when two of his neighbors got SCARED.  They held him at GUNPOINT and called 911 to report they had a suspicious man in custody.  When the cops got there, they arrested the two guys for aggravated assault and false imprisonment.http://www.sun-sentinel.com/local/broward/fl-dania-beach-pirate-threat-20140929-story.html
Earlier this week, California Governor Jerry Brown signed a law that requires college kids in the state to get affirmative consent before having sex.
And now there’s a new app that – Hopefully? Maybe? – helps college students interact in the bedroom.http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2014/09/29/the-hot-new-consent-app-good2go-is-logging-the-name-and-phone-number-of-everyone-you-have-sex-with/
A British experiment was designed to show how little people read the “terms and conditions” boxes that pop up online.http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/sep/29/londoners-wi-fi-security-herod-clause?CMP=fb_gu

Tuesday September 30, 2014

"Forbes" just released its annual list of the 400 richest people in America.  Bill Gates was number one for the 21st year in a row, with a net worth of $81 billion.  And you needed a net worth of $1.55 billion to make the list, so 113 billionaires in the U.S. didn't make the cut. http://www.forbes.com/fdc/welcome_mjx.shtml
 Cumberland Farms Survey Shows Consumers Would Rather Give Up Booze, Serve On Jury Duty, And Jeopardize Their Jobs Than Give Up Coffee.http://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/cumberland-farms-survey-shows-consumers-would-rather-give-up-booze-serve-on-jury-duty-and-jeopardize-their-jobs-than-give-up-coffee-277431131.html
  A 45-year-old guy in California stole electronics from a Costco four different times over the summer . . . and the police were able to link the robberies because he had a signature look:  A massive, thick mustache . . . and a pair of Ugg boots.  He's been arrested for theft.http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/09/29/shoplifter-nicknamed-el-mustachio-the-magician-arrested/

Monday, September 29, 2014

 A 20-year-old UPS worker in Arizona stole a $160,000 diamond out of a package last month, but didn't realize how valuable it was . . . so he traded it for $20 worth of WEED.  The cops eventually traced it back to him, recovered the diamond, and arrested him for felony theft.  He's facing a minimum of three years in prison.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/UPS-worker-trades-diamond-for-pot-798432
Kansas has a massive deficit, and to raise some money, they're auctioning off items they've taken in tax seizures . . . including thousands of SEX TOYS they seized from a company that owed $164,000 in back taxes.  The auction is online and ends tomorrow.http://cjonline.com/news/2014-09-24/state-oks-sale-sex-toys-online-recoup-tax-losses 
 Last Thursday, a 40-year-old lesbian in Tennessee saw her ex at Walmart, and decided to get revenge for being DUMPED.  So she shoplifted a bat, went outside, and smashed up her ex-girlfriend's white Pontiac Grand Am.  Only she smashed up the WRONG Grand Am.  She was arrested for theft and vandalism.http://www.wkrn.com/story/26634700/police-woman-attacked-car-with-bat-thought-to-belong-to-ex-girlfriend
A 23-year-old woman in Florida was arrested back in July when cops found a SPOON in her car with some suspicious residue on it.  She was in jail for more than a MONTH until the crime lab tested the spoon and found the substance was . . . SpaghettiOs.  The woman was released, and now she's planning to sue.http://www.gainesvilletimes.com/section/6/article/104844/

Friday!!!! September 26,2014

 A couple in California went through a McDonald's drive thru on Tuesday, and the employee didn't give them any ketchup.  So . . . they SHOT the drive thru window with a BB gun.  The cops tracked them down and they were arrested.http://www.krcrtv.com/news/local/police-suspects-shot-at-mcdonalds-after-ketchup-dispute/28204708
 Comeaux High Band gun raffle nixed by school system after students sell tickets.  http://www.katc.com/news/comeaux-high-band-gun-raffle-nixed-by-school-system-after-students-sell-tickets/
There's a 41-year-old Navy veteran in Massachusetts who's a mom with two kids . . . and her 61-year-old neighbor was busted for child pornography possession last week.  He was put on house arrest on Monday, and that night she went to his place . . . and punched him in the FACE.  She was arrested for assault and battery and breaking and entering.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/mom-beat-neighbor-busted-for-child-porn-897561

Thursday, September 25, 2014

A 19-year-old mom in Florida was driving with her five-month-old, when a cop tried to pull her over for having a headlight out.  She didn't want a ticket for not having a car seat . . . so she kept driving, then stashed her baby in the TRUNK.  But the cop found her and she's facing a felony child cruelty charge.http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/baby-hidden-in-car-trunk-465321
 A 55-year-old guy in North Carolina accidentally got a text from Walmart in June, about a prescription being ready for a woman . . . but he thought it was someone messing with him, who knew he'd MURDERED a woman in Arizona in 1997.  It wasn't . . . but he confessed anyway.http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/09/22/5192999/killer-thought-wal-mart-texts.html#.VCP0dvldXKP
A 25-year-old guy in Oklahoma tried to WALK through a McDonald's drive thru on Tuesday, but they wouldn't serve him without a car.  So . . . he walked up to the car behind him and CARJACKED the woman inside.  Then he changed his mind about food . . . sped off . . . CRASHED . . . and was arrested.http://kfor.com/2014/09/23/okc-police-fast-food-drive-thru-carjacking-lands-suspect-in-hospital/
  A 55-year-old guy in North Carolina accidentally got a text from Walmart in June, about a prescription being ready for a woman . . . but he thought it was someone messing with him, who knew he'd MURDERED a woman in Arizona in 1997.  It wasn't . . . but he confessed anyway.http://www.charlotteobserver.com/2014/09/22/5192999/killer-thought-wal-mart-texts.html#.VCP1ofldXKP

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

A woman in Australia was walking her puppy last week when a vicious TERRIER attacked.  It was biting the puppy, and the woman remembered something she'd read about stopping a dog attack . . . so she jammed her finger into the terrier's NO-GO HOLE.  And he was so shocked he let the puppy go.http://www.9news.com.au/national/2014/09/22/16/16/brave-dog-owner-stops-attack-with-finger
 The 21-year-old woman in Tampa with three breasts is a HOAX.  On a page for her massage therapy business under her real name, she mentions she's a, quote, "provider of Internet hoaxes since 2014."  And when she lost her luggage earlier this month, she filled out a claim saying one of the things missing was a three-breast prosthesis.
 A 21-year-old woman in Florida just spent $20,000 to get a THIRD BOOB implanted on her chest.  She says it's because she's sick of men and figured it would make her unattractive . . . and also because she wants a reality show on MTV.http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/22/woman-gets-third-boob-jasmine-tridevil_n_5862184.html 
A 21-year-old nursing student in Quebec named Stephanie Boudoin was just busted for a massive burglary spree.  (Her last name's pronounced 'Boo-dwuhn.')  And people are saying she's the world's SEXIEST criminal.  Based on all the photos of her going around online, they may be right.  But she's facing 114 charges for the burglaries.http://www.journaldemontreal.com/2014/09/15/la-liste-continue-de-sallonger
A 53-year-old guy in Rhode Island got FOUR DUIs in 30 hours earlier this month . . . in four different vehicles.  He got into accidents with other cars in a Dodge pickup and a Chevy Malibu . . . got pulled over for swerving in a 1970 Plymouth Barracuda . . . and crashed his own dump truck.  For some reason, the cops kept letting him out on bail after each DUI.http://thesmokinggun.com/buster/man-arrested-four-times-for-dui-576432 
A group of guys in England were out for a bachelor party last year all dressed as WALDO from "Where's Waldo?" . . . and ended up getting into a BRAWL with four soccer hooligans.  The case just came out because it went to trial . . . one of the Waldos and all four soccer fans were found guilty of fighting in public.http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/greater-manchester-news/watch-manchester-united-fans-brawl-7802690
A 22-year-old guy in South Carolina was busted last week at an adult store . . . when an employee caught him trying to steal some pocket-sized artificial LADY PARTS.  He's facing a shoplifting charge.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/man-arrested-stealing-pocket-sex-toy-784532
In your lifetime, you'll go through 175 pairs of jeans . . . 310 pairs of shoes . . . 86,000 cups of coffee . . . 1.3 million sheets of toilet paper . . . just under 40,000 gallons of gas . . . and 2.9 million gallons of water.http://www.buzzfeed.com/mikerose/how-much-stuff-youll-use-in-your-life#41bg3zo
A Walmart in Mexico is being investigated right now for allegedly hosting a promotional COCKFIGHT earlier this week.  They could be facing a fine of up to $7,240 . . . but they say it wasn't a REAL cockfight since no one was gambling on it and the roosters weren't wearing blades.http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2014-09-17/wal-mart-mexico-unit-probed-on-complaints-of-cockfight.html
An 18-year-old in Idaho was driving on Sunday morning with three friends, when one of them thought it'd be funny to light his ARMPIT HAIR on fire WHILE he was behind the wheel.  He lost control and rolled the SUV.  Two people were thrown from it, and no one inside was wearing seatbelts . . . but they all survived without any serious injuries.http://www.ktvb.com/story/news/local/2014/09/17/hair-fire-crash/15794857/
A married couple in Michigan invited a HOMELESS GUY to have a THREESOME with them on Friday . . . but the husband got upset when his wife had some one-on-one action with him on the sidelines.  The homeless guy tried to smooth things over by making burgers, but the husband ended up BRAWLING with him.  Now the husband is facing up to 10 years in prison for felony assault.http://gawker.com/post-threesome-hamburger-meat-taste-test-leads-to-bathr-1635823974
A 31-year-old guy in South Carolina was at a strip club on Monday, and a stripper named CHOCOLATE CHAMBERS asked him to buy her an expensive drink.  When he didn't, she knocked him out and stole his Crown Royal bag full of cash.  The police are trying to track Chocolate down.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/man-robbed-by-stripper-Chocolate-Chambers-687432
An 18-year-old employee at a pizza place in Texas was mad when a customer called in an order right before closing time a few weeks ago . . . so he RUBBED HIS JUNK on the pizza.  But the customer SAW him do it, and confronted him.  The guy was fired and was arrested for felony tampering.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/teen-worker-rubbed-his-testicles-on-takeout-pizza-576432
CNN says JOAN RIVERS' doctor snapped a selfie with her while she was under anesthesia, right before he performed the biopsy on her vocal cords that killed her.http://www.cnn.com/2014/09/16/showbiz/joan-rivers-clinic/index.html?hpt=hp_t2
  Police in Florida got a 911 call on Sunday from a guy who heard his neighbors ATTACKING each other.  When a cop got there, it turned out they were just having rough sex on the living room floor.  The neighbor heard them because they didn't have air conditioning and left their windows open.  No one was arrested.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/noisy-couple-in-romantic-situation-687432
  Police in Florida got a 911 call on Sunday from a guy who heard his neighbors ATTACKING each other.  When a cop got there, it turned out they were just having rough sex on the living room floor.  The neighbor heard them because they didn't have air conditioning and left their windows open.  No one was arrested.http://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2014/09/15/surge-available-on-amazon/15665317/
A 26-year-old woman in Seattle broke into a guy's house last June, pinned him down . . . and started having sex with him while he was asleep.  He woke up and found her on top of him . . . and even though she was 240 pounds, he managed to squirm out from under her.  She was arrested for sexual assault.http://thesmokinggun.com/documents/crime/seattle-woman-charged-with-rape-768901 
Apparently, grandmas around the world keep accidentally tagging themselves on Facebook as Grandmaster Flash.  It's because when you type on Facebook, it suggests people's names you might be trying to tag . . . so when you type "Grandma," it suggests "Grandmaster Flash."http://grampaandgrandmasterflash.tumblr.com/
There's a new survey on all the RUDE things we do.  62% of us have peed in the shower . . . 42% pick our noses . . . 36% pass gas around other people . . . 35% talk during movies . . . and 5% cut our fingernails or toenails in a public place.http://chicago.cbslocal.com/2014/09/11/look-to-your-left-look-right-one-of-them-probably-picks-their-nose/
 A 31-year-old from California is raising awareness for testicular cancer . . . by pushing a six-foot-tall TESTICLE across the country.  He started last week, and says his goal is to encourage more guys to get tested, because if you catch it early, there's a 96% survival rate.http://www.ksbw.com/news/salinas-man-travels-cross-country-with-inflatable-testicle/27947630
A new survey found there's a surprising amount of neighbor-on-neighbor hooking up . . . even for married people.  One in 10 people say they've kissed, dated, or had SEX with a neighbor at some point in their lives.  And one in 20 people say they're having an AFFAIR with a neighbor RIGHT NOWhttp://metro.co.uk/2014/09/09/one-in-20-people-are-having-an-affair-with-a-neighbour-4861807/
A 35-year-old woman in Florida was mad at her boyfriend for texting on Sunday, so she set him on FIRE.  He was airlifted to the hospital, and she told the cops they were doing the "fire challenge" . . . a stupid viral video thing where you light yourself on fire.  But he told the cops the truth, and she was arrested.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/woman-set-boyfriend-on-fire-claims-fire-challenge-675432
Two coworkers in Maryland were eating lunch together last week, and one of them accused the other of eating one of his MEATBALLS.  The fight escalated . . . and the guy wound up STABBING his coworker in the arm.  There's a warrant out for him now.http://www.baltimoresun.com/news/maryland/harford/fallston-joppa/ph-ag-meatball-stabbing-0910-20140905,0,435069.story
A 45-year-old guy in Missouri had to report to jail on Monday for drug charges.  And when the cops were booking him, they decided to do a strip search . . . and found meth in his sock, and a glass meth pipe hidden in one of his STOMACH FAT ROLLS.  He got hit with two extra felony charges.http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/methamphetamine/glass-meth-pipe-in-fat-roll-546091
Joan Rivers, who died on Thursday at 81, joked in her 2012 bestseller “I Hate Everyone… Starting With Me” about what she wanted at her funeral.http://www.gossipcop.com/joan-rivers-funeral-jokes-requests/
ATennessee family says one performer crossed the line at the Delta Fair in Memphis, throwing out racial epithets to rile them up.http://www.newser.com/story/193370/clown-canned-for-shouting-insults-at-black-family.html
 A woman was jogging in Pennsylvania on Tuesday when a 19-year-old guy grabbed her and pulled down her shorts . . . then took off.  But he didn't realize she was a U.S. MARSHAL . . . who then chased him down and beat him up.  He was arrested for aggravated and indecent assault.http://www.post-gazette.com/local/city/2014/09/03/U-S-deputy-marshal/stories/201409030177
 A fantastic new survey found THREE out of FOUR women say they prefer a guy with a BIG BELLY and love handles than a guy with six-pack abs.  Women say guys with abs have worse personalities . . . and they can't relax and have fun.http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2741786/Good-news-guys-Over-75-women-prefer-FLAB-abs-Sex-therapist-Tracey-Cox-explains-women-DON-T-want-chiselled-perfection-bed.html
A 25-year-old woman in Utah stole a ring from a jewelry store over the weekend, and SWALLOWED it.  Now she's in jail and the cops are waiting for it to work its way out . . . but they say they aren't paid enough to dig for it themselves.  So the woman has to dig through her own poop until it turns up.  She's facing a felony theft charge.http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/utah-woman-jailed-ordered-search-feces-stolen-ring-police-article-1.1924904 
A 23-year-old woman and her 20-year-old boyfriend were at a Walmart in Ohio in the middle of the night last week . . . and stole four SEX TOYS worth about $30.52.  They were vibrating rings made by Trojan and Lifestyles.  Both of them are facing theft charges.
A coffee shop in Washington called Java Juggs had sexy female baristas wearing very little clothing, serving $6 cups of coffee . . . and apparently, offering more on the side.  Turns out they were all secretly HOOKERS.  The owner was just charged with promoting prostitution and money laundering.http://gawker.com/police-say-restaurant-called-java-juggs-also-had-sex-1629153317
  A woman in Colorado was driving to a meeting last week, looked down to text that she'd be late, and crashed into a guardrail.  Somehow it went through the front of her car, through her thigh . . . and impaled her BUTT.  She needed emergency surgery, but she survived.http://www.9news.com/story/news/local/2014/08/31/texting-while-driving-pole-impales-buttocks-thighs/14 
The very first Denny's in Manhattan opened over the weekend, and it's got a $300 Grand Slam breakfast.  You get two standard Grand Slam breakfasts of eggs, pancakes, sausage, and bacon . . . but it also comes with a bottle of 2004 Dom Perignon Premier Cru champagne.  Denny's says that's a bargain . . . other restaurants in New York sell the same bottle for at least $400.http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/eats/nyc-denny-offers-dom-perignon-article-1.1920117